This starved soul

Dear Friend,
I'm afraid it seems this friendship must end.
Your criticizing stare puts a feeling of endless inferiority in my heart.
Your opinion compliments those around me.
You look down at me with your sense of pity.
You don't see what I feel.

Our bond has withered and come to a halt.
I feel like everything I do, everything I am, just isn't good enough for you.
I know you think the same as everyone else.
I know you're thinking it's not my fault.
I know it is my fault.

This deep nagging I feel does not come from hunger.
It comes from the piercing harsh stares of everyone around me, including you.
It comes from the way you make me feel inside.
It came from the words you spoke.
It came from their meaning.

I know I should stop this whole thing.
Our friendship probably isn't the cause of my deterioration.
Our bond had kept me together inside.
Our trust kept me sane.
It kept me from exploding once again.

Sometimes I think about what you had told me.
Those words of truth you said aloud at last, straight to my face.
Those thoughts still run through my mind.
Those words gather my courage.
To face the truth.

Now I know it's not our friendship that must end.
It's this feeling of being starved from the thing in life that nourishes me.
It's this lack of support and self-esteem that keeps me going.
It's this constant pouring of my thoughts of self-control into a book.

It's this diary of Anorexia Nervosa.