13The Classification of Plot Bunnies
Plot bunnies. You've all heard of them; creatures with sharp fangs and a tendency to multiply quickly. They are also well-known for biting writers in various uncomfortable places and dangling there until the writers succumb to their wishes. After much scientific investigation and approximately six beers, scientist Orville Fuzzbottom discovered that plot bunnies could be categorized according to color.
"It was really quite simple," the inebriated scientist responded when asked how he had come up with this interesting method of classification. "I asked them. They were very conversational after about the fourth beer."
Here are the classifications, as written down by Mr. Fuzzbottom when he was a bit more sober:
White - These are the most common breed, the General plot bunny. They can become any other kind of plot bunny. All you have to do is drop them in a vat of colored dye and they can turn into any genre your heart desires.
Brown - These bunnies, while somewhat plain in color, are quite well-known for their adventurous qualities. They are the root of most Action/Adventure stories.
Red - Strangely enough, these plot bunnies seem to find themselves most suited to Romance.
Blue - These plot bunnies seem to find themselves suited to Drama. It is unknown exactly why; it could be because all the other colors were already taken.
Black - Angst is the genre for these little plot bunnies. They seem to prefer the emotional turmoil and occasional character deaths.
Orange - These bunnies seem to prefer the horror genre. They appear the most right before Halloween...
Yellow - These bunnies are dedicated to the Suspense genre. You have to wonder- what will happen next? Will John realize he's in love with Marsha? Will Marsha ever find her long-lost puppy? Will Richard ever discover his long-lost glasses are firmly situated on his forehead?
Metallic - These bunnies get their kicks out of causing Science Fiction stories to be written.
Green - These plot bunnies seem to prefer Fantasy. It might have something to do with their uncanny ability to blend in with the forest and other greenery.
Gray - These bunnies are apparently attracted to the Mystery genre. They enjoy being able to blend in with the shadows so they can be more... mysterious.
Polka dotted - These unusually colored plot bunnies seem to enjoy Humor.
Striped - This particular variation of coloring in a plot bunny usually suggests a Crossover.
Pink - These bunnies appear to be responsible for Poetry.
Invisible - These are the most sinister of all. The invisible plot bunny is only half-formed. Its favorite thing to do is to abandon a writer in the middle of a story, leaving him unable to discern exactly what should happen next.
When asked whether his method of research was scientifically valid, Mr. Fuzzbottom replied, "Well, it's not the standard method of discovery, but I found it much more enjoyable." Mr. Fuzzbottom is currently embarking on a new field of plot bunny research; how to get rid of a plot bunny once and for all. This, he admits readily, will be a bit more difficult. He fears he may have to resort to whiskey to get the plot bunnies to reveal this secret.