I wrote this when I heard that my ex-boyfriend had called while I was gone and I didn't know what he wanted. At that time in our relationship we still had hoped to get back together. But it wasn't to be. I would like to thank QueenGwen for both her beta work and always being there for me. We boos for life.;)
Review if you'd like to, I'm simply sharing my feelings.
Sitting alone in my room, I often wonder where you are, what you're up to; how've you been, and what you have planned for tomorrow. But most often I wonder why you haven't called me. Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Or is it because you have a very busy life and barely have enough time for yourself let alone me?
I don't blame you for being busy. How could I when I see and hear how stressed and tired you are? I know if you could change anything and make it easier you would. But change is not always possible. I know that.
But I still feel hurt. I say I don't blame you and while that's the straight up truth, I still feel hurt, and anger. I've spent too many nights waiting by the phone for you to call, only to finally call you myself and talk about nothing for a few minutes.
When we "postponed this relationship," I said I was okay. That was true, but I kept thinking that it was almost a sure thing that we'd get back together in time. Now after time away from you I wonder if we really will.
If you asked me tonight if I wanted you back, if I wanted our relationship back, I don't know what I'd say. Of course I'd want to say yes. Hell I'm ready to shout it. But I can't go back to you knowing things won't change, that we won't be able to see each other more often. I'm sorry if this sounds as though I'm issuing an ultimatum—I don't think of myself as demanding, but maybe I am. Sorry, but that's just me. I can try to change, and believe me I'm willing to try, but I can't guarantee that it'll work. But regardless of who changes, it still remains that I go crazy if I can't see you, can't talk to you, kiss you, and breathe you in as you hold me. I miss you, plain and simple.
And as I sit here typing and waiting, again, for you to call, I wonder where you are, what you're up to; how've you been and what you have planned for tomorrow— why you haven't called yet…
But mostly I wonder if you miss me as much as I miss you.