My Life

I woke up in a strange bed. The satin sheets were blood red. Above me was a mirror but I could see no one it. However that didn't strike me as strange. What I did find strange were the patterns in the sheets. Towards the end of the bed, the sheets were white. I turned to my right and admired the woman next to me. Her face and neck was covered in blood. I gasped realizing why the sheets were red. Looking down, I could see my chest was also covered in blood.

I feared that she was dead and that I had killed her, when she stirred and moaned. It was then I realized how pale she was but even though she was as white as a sheet, she was still beautiful. In fact it was her beauty that lured me to her flat. The memory of the evening before was now returning to me.

I met her that night in a bar uptown. We talked for hours, and drank heavily. Under the spell of the alcohol, I told her everything. My dreams and aspirations. My shortcomings and failures. I opened my heart to her, and in return she offered to show me world. Her world.

I took her offer, and she ushered me out to her car. I remember wondering how she was able to drive having drunk as much as we did, but I didn't ask her, instead I passed out on the way there.

I tried to open my eyes but the blur of passing lights made me dizzy, so I kept them shut. The wind whistled through my ears creating a constant whine. She must have been driving fast; perhaps we wee on the expressway.

As we slowed down the whine stopped and I opened my eyes. We had arrived at a two storied flat on the beach. The bottom portion was cleared out with the floor being sand. Some beach furniture was spread around and a portion was left open for sunbathing. On the opposite side was a pathway that led to the water. I didn't have long to admire it, as she pulled me on up the stairs. The upstairs room was wide an open with very little furniture to clutter it up. Its walls were filled with windows letting lots of moonlight. The overall tone being sandstone and off-shades of white. Only one section was closed off, the bedroom.

Everything in the bedroom was sterile white. The walls, the shag carpet, the bed, the sheets. The bed itself was a circular shape, an island in a sea of white carpet. We laid down on it, my head in her lap looking up through a window at the moon and stars.

She began whispering things in my ear about staying young and living forever. Then she pulled off my shirt. From what I could see she was only in her underwear herself.

I rolled over on my belly as she slid down further into the bed. She kissed me and the aroma of French vanilla filled my nose and mouth. I could only barely tell when the kisses stopped. She licked my neck and plated a few kisses there before returning back o my mouth. Once again I was filled with the aroma of French vanilla.

When her mouth left mine, her lips traveled down to my neck again, and she bit me. I gasped from the sharp twinge of pain that lasted but a second. I had no idea what she was doing to me, but it felt good and I didn't want her to stop. Soon not only could I smell it, but also I was filled completely with the aroma. It filled my head and thoughts.

I was in a world with no straight lines and corners. There were only curves and whirls. Pink, red, and white tendrils of vanilla swirled about me. I was no longer in the bedroom, but floating around weightless in what seemed like space. I saw a flash of light and I floated towards it.

I could see myself lying in a bed that wasn't that wasn't my own. There was a woman on top of me, and the color was draining from my face. The picture wasn't too clear, but soon it started clearing and I could hear moans of passion. They were coming from me.

The picture faded, as I was pulled back to consciousness. The cloudy room began to fade away also. I opened my eyes as the woman rose away from my neck. I struggled to get a good breath. It seemed my strength was fading, but I managed to lift my hand to my neck where I felt something warm and sticky. Just barley lifting my hand from my neck I saw blood. I tried to scream, but didn't have the energy and it came out a hoarse whisper.

"Ssshh," she cooed. "Just drink."

She drew her thumbnail across the base of her throat, creating in its wake a long gash. The blood flowed freely but there was too much. Way more than humanly necessary. She pulled me up to the cut and pressed my head in it. I began to drink, deeply, hungrily like a babe from his mother's breast.

And she cradled me there like a mother would her newborn babe. For a moment I was connected to her, apart of her. I caught glimpses of her lives before as I drank. And I drank until she pulled me away, both of us panting and gasping for air. I fell back onto the bed still unable the support myself. Looking up at the face of my 'mother', I asked her name.

"I am your mother now, but you may call me Selene."

Completely devoid of energy, I succumbed to the sleep that was calling to me.

I sat in front of a mirror looking at myself with new eyes. Everything was the same, just different. My eyes were gray now, as they were often mistaken, instead of pale blue. If I starred at them long enough, it seem as though I could see the stars. My skin was pale but not as pale as my new mother's. Although I wasn't a fat slob before the transformation, now I was in peak physical condition. Perfect.

Looking down at my arms, I could see my veins pumping steadily, and suddenly my mouth felt over crowded. Upon opening my mouth, I could see my canines growing in sharpness and length. The sight was like cold water in my face.

I now knew what I was. The ice water began to run through my veins and a chill ran up my back. But it's not possible, I thought. They—

"Don't exist?" Selene said finishing my thought. She fell on me putting her arms around my neck and caressing my chest. "Then what are you?"

I was no longer human, but something else. Something not quite human.

"You are a vampire, my love," she answered for me. "Nospheratau, the undead. We do exist and you have been chosen."

"For what?" I asked.

"For the past three centuries of my life, I have been alone. Sure, I lusted a few of them. Carried on long love affairs with others. But none of them have sparked me as you have. I've watched you from afar for a long while now and finally you were ready. You were searching for something greater, and I gave it to you."

"What do I do now? What happens to my life?" I asked.

"No offense, but you had no life." Selene responded.

I was taken aback by her bluntness, but it was true. I had no real friends, and both my parents died in a car wreck. So this for me was a chance to start over. To create a new life for myself. I decided I would take it.

"Good," said Selene, once again reading my thoughts.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't do that," I said. "Or at least teach me how you did it."

"Lover, I'll teach you how to do that and much, much, more," Selene said. "But right now you need to feed."

We went back to the very same bar I met her. On the way I looked at a newsstand to find out what day it was. As it turns out I had slept two days right through. My senses were assaulted as soon as soon as we entered the city. The lights were too bright, and the speed of their passing made me dizzy. The music, horns and even people's conversations were blending into one loud din. Selene must have seen my despair, for she turned onto a side street where it was darker and quieter.

"Can't I turn it off?"

"No," she laughed. "I had forgotten how much it can be your first time out. You learn to tune it out. It's really not hard."

For the last block to the bar Selene drove on the main street. This time it wasn't so bad. I could tune out the sound by concentrating on another one. As for the lights they still bothered me but I was adjusting. Inside the bar was different. The lights were dim and the sounds were too loud. I couldn't find any one sound to concentrate on, save my own flustered breathing. A week ago, I would have walked into this bar as if I owned it. But now I was constantly jerking my head around as I caught bits of different people's conversations.

"Focus," Selene said. "Concentrate on what you're doing. You don't have to go out in public often, and when you do, it'll probably be for food."

I nodded taking it all in. Selene continued.

"You should be able to sense who's good for you," she pointed to a woman sitting at the far end of the bar. "What do you sense from her?"

I looked at her, tried to look through her but I could feel nothing. "Nothing. I don't know what to look for."

"It's okay. This sort of thing comes from experience," said Selene. She mumbled under her breath, "and hunger."

I began to survey the people in the bar. It was a pretty big place, when you first walked in there were tables and a bar, for the less enthused drinkers and the really drunk ones. Towards the back was the dance floor. It was separated from the bar, and it had the typical club lighting, music, and people.

"Let see how you hunt."

"Wait," I pleaded with my eyes. "I'm not ready."

"Yes you are," she smiled. "It's all instinct."

I was still unsure, and it showed on my face.

"If it makes you feel better, I'll set you up and guide you along mentally," she said and it eased my fears.

Selene pulled me onto the dance floor. Immediately sounds, smells, and lights assaulted my senses. I reeled and Selene steadied me. I focused on a hunger that grew from nowhere. Selene went on ahead scouting and dancing and I was left with my hunger. Suddenly I didn't hear anything but heavy panting, and beating hearts. My eyes adjusted to the rhythmic movements of the lights so much so till it was as if the lighting was in one constant stetting, bright. Still I was dizzy, this time from hunger, and the room was spinning around me. Gyrating bodies danced all around me, some almost having sex on the floor, while the room spun faster and faster.

Someone tapped me on my shoulder and I spun around almost growling. The young girl stepped back startled but smiling. Her smile warmed my heart and my hunger surged. I looked past and around her for Selene, but she was nowhere in sight.

"You don't seem happy here,"

"What," I screamed over the music.

She leaned in my ear, but still spoke loudly, "I said, you don't seem happy here."

I smiled, then leaning into her ear, "A friend dragged me out here, I don't really know how to dance."

"It's easy," she smiled. "Here I'll show you." The young girl pulled me further onto the floor. It seemed everyone had something to show me. I glanced around for Selene, but I still didn't see her.

"All you have to do is move to the beat," she said and she began bouncing to the beat of the song. I bounced a little, when as if by magic, the song faded into a slow song. We both stopped looking at each other, and the girl laughed.

"Does it work the same way for slow songs?" I asked.

"Pretty much except," she paused moving in closer to me. I instantly tensed. "Only we're closer."

She put my arms around her waist and hers around my neck. She had to look up to see my eyes. We rocked to the beat of the song not really talking, except for my apologies for stepping on her foot. Finally she laid her head on my chest, and I began purring like a kitten. I wasn't hungry any more just content.

She looked up when I started purring. "Who are you?"

Confused but not wanting to ruin this perfect moment, I answered cautiously, "Demitrius."

She smiled again, then laid her head back on my chest. "I met you in my dream once before," she spoke into my chest but I heard every word. "We met in a crowded place and began dancing to a slow song. I laid my head on your shoulder, just like this, and you began purring."

She stopped her story, looking at me.

"What happened next?" I asked.

"You kissed me."

The world stopped, and there was only me and this stranger. I didn't even know her name, and yet it felt like I had known her for years upon end. I followed my gut instinct and kissed her. My fingertips brushed beneath her chin, tracing the line of her jaw. She closed her eyes in response.

"Open your eyes."

She did, and a gray starry night filled her vision. I was so close that each syllable was a small, gentle push of breath against her face.

"Don't ever close your eyes. I want you to look at me. Those who are afraid close their eyes."

And of course, as soon as my tongue touched hers, she closed her eyes. I remembered the words from a book I had read, but strangely, it made sense, because she was slightly afraid. No, exhilarated. Every inch of her skin was incredibly aware of him - aware of the coolness of his ring as his hand slid up her back, aware of the other hand twisted in red curls, aware of her own breasts pressed firmly into his chest, and aware that, quite possibly, she was never going to want to leave his arms. I could feel all this as if she were broadcasting it to me.

She could feel every breath I declined to take as my tongue found the roof of her mouth. Her own fingers came up to thread hair like damp silk. When they finally parted, her tongue was drawn out gently between my teeth as I pulled away, staring at her mouth silently. We stood that way for a few long moments; the only sound I could hear was our breathing.

I saw her network of veins as if they were lit from within with a fluorescent red light. Her pulse pounded between my temples. Her blood's sound was as if it were some intense drum, beating in a rhythm only I could truly understand. We kissed again but this time my lips found their way to her neck, I felt my fangs slide from their sheaths. I bit, and the blood rushed over my tongue, gliding down my throat as Felicia, I gleaned her name from her thoughts, moaned softly.

See, you didn't need me after all. Selene thought to me.

I ignored her not wanting to loose this moment.

My baby's growing up. Selene thought in mock motherly sadness.

The music changed again and I pulled away from her neck with a gasp and glanced around sheepishly. Felicia hung limp in my arms, dazed and groggy. But no one noticed, or even cared.

Finish it.

No I will not take her life, I thought.

That is our lot in life. You are a hunter, and hunters kill.

I will not take her life.

Felicia began to stir, coming out her stupor. I took her over to one of the tables that lined the wall of the dance floor, and sat her in a chair. Felicia put her hand to her neck.

"W-wait. Where are you going?"

"I have to go."

"But when will we see each other again?"

I stooped to look at her and whispered, "We'll meet here tomorrow afternoon. I have to go."

I practically ran out of the bar. Getting into Selene's car, I tried to focus my thoughts and feelings. I had no idea what taking blood would be like. I was filled with emotions that I couldn't even describe. But I knew I would not kill, not so long as I had a choice. No matter how good it felt. I would hold on to that piece of my humanity.

Selene came out of the club a few minutes later than I did. Her anger was in her face as she stormed to the car. She got in and slammed the door but didn't start the engine.

"What the hell was that?"

"I won't take a life," I said calmly.

"Well you might as well had," she said. "If you take to much and stop they'll die."

"Then I won't take too much," I said committed to my decision.

"It's not easy. It's not necessary. You are a hunter, and they are your prey. You can't show weakness. What you did back there, that's weakness. And then I have to clean up your mess." Selene was pissed. She started the car and peeled out of the lot and onto the expressway.

"What do you mean 'Clean up my mess'?" I said alarmed.

"What do you think?"

"You didn't kill her did you?"

"What if I did?"

"Did you," I asked again. A pain had crept into my voice. "Did you kill her?" But Selene wouldn't answer me.

We arrived at the house and Selene pulled up to the door but kept the engine running. "Get out."

I looked at her, but I saw nothing in her face, so I got out and walked up the step into the house. Selene sped away out of sight.

I went into the bedroom, removing my shirt laid on the bed. Looking out the window at the stars I began to question the decisions I had made these last few days. What had I gotten myself into? I knew there was no turning back now. But my new life depended on choices I make in these next few days. Looking out the window I saw a shooting star. A ray of hope and light in my new world of darkness.

I stared for hours, not moving. Finally Selene came home and walked into the room. She looked tired and worn. She lay down on the bed next to me, snuggling against my chest, and watching the stars.

"There is a way to feed without killing your meal," she said breaking the silence. "I thought about it while I was out, and I saw the shooting star. I can be done. I don't agree with your decision, but I will respect it, and try to teach you how to take just enough."

She turned looking at me, I stayed still. "I do love you."

I remained stiff.

"And I didn't kill her,"

I turned to look at her, tears had filled my eyes.

"I just clouded her thoughts so she wouldn't ask questions. She lost a lot of blood and she made be weak, but she'll live."

I didn't know what to say. Once again I couldn't identify my feelings. Something like love swelled in my heart and I kissed Selene. We fell asleep in each other's arms.

Selene woke me early in the next morning. It amazed me how little sleep she needed. Selene tossed a box onto the bed next to me. Upon opening it I found all of my favorite clothes folded ever so neatly. It made me wonder just how long had she been watching me. I showered with the water at its hottest temperature in complete darkness. The heat and pounding water helped to massage away his self. The abyss of the darkness made me fell like I was floating or falling continually. For the first time since my transformation, I felt free.

Selene tapped on the bathroom door, "Dress warm. It's kind of chilly out."

Fully dressed in a wool gray sweater and black cords, I emerged from the bedroom. It was 5:12 according to the clock in the kitchen. Selene herself was dressed in all black: tight jeans, turtleneck, and blazer. Her hair hung around her head like a hood. She was perfect.

"Where do we need to be this early in the morning?" I asked

"You need to learn some things. I plan to teach them to you," Selene said. "Come on let's go."

It was cold out. The sky was gray and overcast. But despite the temperature we rode with top down, the cold having no effect on us.

The hours passed quickly as we drove around town making frequent stops each lesson. I was a good student and learned quickly. I especially loved the telepathy exercises. She took me to meet people, other vampires who all had very interesting stories about their lives. But my heart wasn't with them. Already it was 12:15 and I wanted to be gone.

I quietly excused myself and walked out the door unnoticed. I ran the whole three miles to the bar and I wasn't even out of breath. Still my heart raced with anticipation as I walked in. I felt like I was in high school again. I quickly surveyed the tables searching with all my senses for Felicia, but she wasn't here. I took a booth where I could watch the door.

The hours passed by slower here. Selene didn't come and I didn't know whether she knew I was here and didn't care, or didn't approve. Selene loved me but I couldn't love her in the same way. I could only love her as a son would his mother. My watch told me it was 2:45 and my hopes sank. I called the waitress over so I could pay my tab. She came over with the check and I reach for my wallet…which wasn't there.

"Listen buddy you've drank your fill and now you're trying to run out on the bill."

"No. It's not that at all. I left my wallet at home and I'll be back tonight. I just want to start a tab."

"We don't do that here, so pay up or—"

"I'll pay the bill."

I looked past the waitress where Felicia stood smiling. The waitress rolled her eyes and walked away. Felicia sat down across from me smiling.

"I thought you weren't coming," I said.

"My God have you been here since twelve? I'm sorry," Felicia said. "I couldn't get from work till two."

"It doesn't matter now. You're here."

"Listen, I've been thinking about last night… and my dream… and how I feel about you. You, are him."

"Who?" I asked.

"You are the man in my dream. My dream lover," she paused looking in my eyes. "Is it really possible to fall in love at first sight?"

"But this isn't the first time you've seen me. We met in your dreams," I said. I never could have come up with these words when I was mortal. I think this transformation may have turned me into a romantic. Felicia didn't seem to mind. She leaned in close over the table. I leaned in to meet her lips.

Her lips were soft and warm. Immediately we were swept away by a tide of emotions. Fear, joy, love. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But I knew my life would be a long one. One Felicia couldn't outlive. For the first time since I met her, I began to think our life together. The more I thought, the faster I realized it couldn't work. Felicia noticed I was no longer participating in the kiss.

"Is something wrong?"

"Felicia, you have no idea how much this hurts, but we can't be together."

"What do you mean? What are you saying?"

"I uh," I didn't know what to say. What could I tell her? "There's something you should know about me"

"You're a vampire?" she smiled. "I knew that already. It was all I could think about after last night."

"But how can you know?"

"It's not important. I know that I love you," Felicia kissed me. "That I want to become you."

"Don't say that," I said my finger brushed her lips.

We kissed again free and uninhibited by thoughts of our differences. But our passion was once again to be denied as my hunger surged. I ignored it at first, but as our passion increased, my fangs began to grow. I pulled away before I bit her tongue. Standing from the table I bid her adieu.

"Tonight we'll meet again, just as the bar closes."

Felicia didn't rise from her seat, but she watched me as I left the bar. If this had been my life before, I would have been happy. But it was not. And I dreaded what I had to do next.

When I reached the beach house Selene was on the beach sunbathing. I'm not sure when the sun came out, but it had turned out to be a nice day. I took off my shoes and rolled up the cuff of my pants before going onto the sand. As I approached her, I got increasingly hot. So much so that by the time I had reached her I only had on my undershirt. If Selene knew I was behind her, she didn't let me know. I knelt down appreciating the scent of her perfume.

"Selene," I whispered. "I've met someone."

"I know," she said.

"How—"

"I was there, in the bar." Selene sat up removing her sunglasses. He eyes were tinged red. "How can you leave me. Do you know how much you mean to me? How much I love you?"

A single teardrop of blood trickled down her cheek. I stared in horror thinking the worst. I reached out gingerly to wipe the tear from her faces.

"It doesn't hurt. It's how we cry," Selene smiled. "You see, you still have so much to learn." Two more blood tears replaced the one I had just wiped away.

"Selene you made so I could love you, and I do. It's just that you are my mother now. And no matter how hard I try, I can't love you that way."

"Do you love her?" Selene asked. The tears coming more steadily now. Perfect droplet of blood fell into the sand.

My own tears began to well as I nodded my head.

"Then take her and take your leave."

Selene put on her sunglasses and laid back into her chair. The blood tears continued to flow this time into her hair. The sun hid behind some clouds and I was cold.

That night I met Felicia in front of the bar. We drove to her apartment deep in the heart of the city. We talked and laughed about or lives and my life before. But I couldn't sleep. I laid in the bed so still that Felecia thought I was sleep and once I was sure she was sleep I slipped out of the bed. I perused the refrigerator hoping to find a snack. Unsuccessful I sat in the middle of the living room floor yoga style to meditate.

A crash from the bedroom woke me from my repose. I ran to see what was the matter. Felecia hung limp in Selene's arms who was floating a few inches above the bed.

"No!" I screamed.

Selene dropped Felecia's limp body onto the bed smiling innocently. She looked like a child whose hand had been caught in the cookie jar. Her hair was frizzed and her long satin nightgown billowed from the breeze of the broken window. I lunged at her faster than she anticipated and we fell through the window onto the balcony. Selene laughed.

I don't remember when I picked up the piece of the broken windowpane. The makeshift stake hovered over her heart. I looked into her eyes expecting to see malice and hate but I only found pain and sorrow. I began to drop the stake when Selene took hold of my wrist replacing it back over her heart.

Selene spoke in my mind to my heart: Forgive me love but I had to make you hate me. I had to make you want to kill me. I've lived for so long without a companion that to have had and loose you would be too much to bear. I leave you my legacy. Now please end it.

But can't there be another way? I asked full of pain.

Don't argue. She'll live but I want to die. Blood tears once again streamed down Selene's face She began to squeeze my wrist until it hurt. I pried her hand from mine then raised the stake high over her heart.

I love you, was all I thought as I brought the stake down hard to her heart.

I love you too, Selene said with her dying thoughts. Her body flash-burned leaving for a moment an ash sculpture in her form before the wind blew it all away.

In the bedroom I wept over my love's body. Her breathing was weak but steady. When her body stirred I looked at her face.

"Please finish it," she rasped.

"You don't want to be me," I pleaded. "You can't understand what it's like."

"Then let me," she whispered. "I want it."

I cut a gash along the base of my neck with a piece of broken glass then pushed her head along the cut. She drank hungrily, drinking up my very essence. She fell back out of breath tears of blood and water falling from her eyes.

"Already you are dissatisfied with your new life?" I questioned.

"No, not at all. I just witnessed from your mind what you did for Selene."

"Did I do the right thing?" I asked.

"You did what she wanted."

I kissed her and she kissed me. Then we just held each other till the sun came up.

Not the End, but Rather the Beginning