Kids:

Ever notice kids that are 4 or younger get treated different than everyone else? We pay too much attention to babies. To us, they are the funniest thing on the Earth. If you have a baby, you are a comedian. You just gotta set it down, point at it, "Look what I taught it!" The kid just sits there. (Makes baby faces) Everyone around him is just like "Oh my god!(slaps knee) It's so funny!" And we can't do that. Because it's just creepy. We'd just be like. "Look at this!" (More baby faces) No. They don't think you're cute…they think you're on crack. "What you smoking man?"

But they're kids! They don't know any better! On a plane, if a baby starts to cry, you just can't get up, walk over to it "SHUT UP! Shut up right now or else!" And they always get what the want. They just whine until they get it. Everywhere, everything has to go their way. Even if it's soda. You get the wrong size, they start screaming. "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"

"Listen, you can get a large next time."

"BUT I WANNA LARGE!"

"When you finish the small, then you can get a large." Then they notice people are watching and they make you seem like a bad parent. They would have it all planned out.

"WHY…WON'T…YOU…LET MEEEEE!" All the people are looking at you. "YOU'RE….SO…MEEEAAANNN!"

"Oh my god! What does he do to that poor child?" I should do that. My parents won't let me go to my friend's house "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" They'd just smack me upside the head. BAM!

"SHUT UP! We gave you that cell phone didn't we?" Imagine if adults were like that…let's just think about that for a minute. Wait, they are. Just watch "Court TV." They are fighting just like kids, only quieter. They might as well scream.

"NO! I DON'T WANNA PAY!"

"YES HUH! YOU HIT MY PWETTY CAR!" Then the judge jumps in.

"Now calm down. We can settle this…"

"NO! I DON'T WANNA PAY THAT BIG STUPID POOPY HEAD!"