Once upon a time there was an evil old sorceress that locked a beautiful princess in a tall tower at the edge of the woods. To tell the truth, the tower wasn't very tall, as far as towers go and actually the princess wasn't too extremely beautiful, either. I may as well tell you that the sorceress wasn't really evil, just a little misled. She was old though and the sort-of-tall tower was at the edge of the woods so I was two-fifths telling the truth.
Anyway, the princess would sit up in her sort-of-tall tower, sighing, waiting diligently for somebody, anybody to come rescue her. At first she expected her noble (Ok, he wasn't so noble) prince to rescue her, but, as it turned out, he never really liked her. The prince went more for beauty than for brains and married a beautiful princess after the princess in the sort-of-tall tower was put in her sort-of-tall tower. The beautiful princess couldn't even tie her shoes, but that was fine, because she always wore sandals that didn't lace up. They didn't have Velcro back then- pity.
The princess in the sort-of-tall tower happened to be named Elandra. She was named Elandra after her great-great-grandmother's dog. The dog was a very intelligent one. Elandra was intelligent, too- a bit more so than the dog.
Elandra had plenty of time to look out her window, explore her little room, and read a few books. In her cell, there was a bookcase, a plaque, and a one-foot by two-and-three-half-foot window. Once, Elandra had considered jumping out the window, but decided she probably couldn't fit through and even if she managed to do so, she'd have a rather unhappy way down and more than likely break her neck or something equally important.
She had also had lots of time to read the plaque in her room over and over. By now, she'd memorized it. It read 'This tower build by Jake's Construction.'
Every day, when Elandra would wake up, a platter of food would have appeared in the night. Elandra never questioned why, she was just happy she got to eat something.
One day, while looking out her one-foot by two-and-three-half-foot window, Elandra saw a horse and a man pulling the horse along behind him. The creature was rather ugly. The horse wasn't much to look at either.
"Hallo!" Called the man. Elandra leaned out the window as far as she could.
"Hello!" She called. "I'm here to collect the rent!" He yelled to her. "WHAT?" The man looked perturbed. "The rent! I'm here to collect the blasted rent!" Elandra started to catch on. "I don't own this sort-of-tall tower, sir!"
"Then what the heck are you doing here?"
"I'm locked in here by a misled and old sorceress!"
The man stopped to ponder this.
"Do you have any idea where this misled sorceress is?"
"No, I'm sorry."
The man grumbled a bit to his horse and then yelled to Elandra.
"Ok, then, I'll come back next month to see if she is here!"
"I don't think she's coming back, but if she does, I'll tell her the rent is late. Hey, but what is your name?"
The man grumbled again.
At that, he ambled back into the woods, his sickly horse in tow.
The misled sorceress would never come back- it was very evident to Elandra. She started wondering to herself "If this Jake is the same Jake I think he is, he probably did make this not-so-tall tower and perhaps will take me away to a faraway lake!" She said this mostly because it rhymed. She thought herself very clever to make up this simple rhyme. Yes, Elandra had way too much time on her hands. In her mind, she wished that Jake would take her somewhere faraway. She truly did not like this tower.
The next month Jake came. Jake and Elandra's exchange was very much similar to the one last month, ending with Jake mumbling and then meandering back into the woods with his horse.
In time, Elandra came to reverently await Jake's visits. He was nice, although the extent of their conversation never went too far off the subject of the rent. Elandra had grown very bored and craved company.
One month, when Jake came to collect the rent, Elandra dared tell him something else other than that the sorceress hadn't been to the not-so-tall tower recently.
"Hallo!" The conversation began.
"I'm here to collect the rent!"
"If you, Jake, are the same Jake I think you are, you probably did make this not-so-tall tower and perhaps will take me away to a faraway lake!" Elandra yelled.
Elandra repeated her 'poem'. In turn, Jake stared stupidly at her.
"What in the heck do y' mean by that?"
"Did you make this tower, Jake?"
"Yes, I did."
"Do you have the key to it?"
Jake looked suspiciously at the princess.
"Can you kindly unlock the door, sir?"
Jake stared at her again.
"What if this misled sorceress of yours comes back?"
"She won't! She hasn't for the last year or so! And I'm sure she certainly won't bother coming back now!"
Jake had to ponder over this for a second while scratching himself. Finally, Jake took out a big ring of keys of all different sizes, picked one out, and stuck it in the lock. A click registered and the door to Elandra's room flung open. Her eyes filled with love as well as tears. Jake, up close, saw how beautiful Elandra was and promptly walked out the door.
"Wait!" Elandra sobbed. "Why do you leave me?"
Elandra was flattered at this comment, but couldn't see any reason why he should find this so offensive.
"I go for intelligent women."
Elandra's face brightened.
"I've read every book on yonder bookshelf."
Jake whirled around.
The two looked lovingly into each other's eyes.
"Why did the mislead sorceress lock you in this not-so-tall tower?"
"She was jealous is all I can think of. She wasn't very pretty or intelligent herself, I suppose."
They laughed happily. The birds chirped happily. The wind whistled happily. The trees... nevermind. Anyway, they lived happily ever after in a little hut at the other edge of the woods, I guess. Don't ask me. I just write this story.
The Princess and the Construction Worker by Drakon Lass
Fiction » Humor Rated: K+, English, Humor & Parody, Words: 1k+, Published: 4/27/2002