Author's Note-Happy Birthday Human! (you know who you are *glare*) You wanted me to update this story and I did, this chappie (well the whole damned story since only two people that weren't in my family have ever read this [as of this date that is]) is yours!
WORD UP!-chapter 2:the one I was forced to write 'cause a birthday was comin' up, yeah ri-ight this chapter is really called, Live Sucks.
"Life Sucks," Scott groaned as he mutilated his breakfast of half a grapefruit with a blunt spoon. It'd taken six hours for his family to realize there was a strange man in the house that would follow Scott around and comment on various things in their home. Geeez, even Mark's not that stupid, Scott thought, referring to his buddy. Worse off, they didn't think it was unusual at all that the man came out of the Necklace of Many Things, which was currently sitting around Scott's neck at Patrick's urging.
Patrick, Generic black man-man, the Guardian Spirit of the Necklace of Many Blings was sitting across from Scott reading the paper, since he claimed he didn't have to eat. "God da-amn!" he exclaimed out of nowhere. "This two headed dudes running for mayor against hisself! How stupid is that!"
"That's nice," Scott muttered, stabbing the grapefruit viscously.
That earned him a scowl from Patrick, he put down the paper and scooted closer to him. "Y'know man your mom and them are already in the car waitin' on your ass to hurry up so they can get on with their day."
"Fine," Scott relinquished the spoon, sparing the grapefruit from further torture. "You're not going to school with me are you?"
"No I'm gonna stay home and watch the video of your momma and her girlfriend getting' married. 'Course I'm comin' with you,!"
"Tell me one reason why you have to go to school with me?"
"'Cause you're out of booze, and I ain't got nothin' better to do!"
Scott groaned, things were getting worse by the second, when he died the first thing he was going to do was hunt down Great Aunt Molly and kick her ass for giving him the damned Necklace of Many Things. "Fine." He stalked out to the living room and snatched his backpack. "Patrick are you coming!" Damn Guardian Spirit.
Patrick scowled at him again. "Y'know last time I checked it wasn't good for your rep going to school in your boxers and an undershirt. Get dressed fool!"
As always the courtyard at Scott's school was filled with bodies, since school hadn't started yet. Hopefully there wouldn't be any problems with his school life, he could just hide the Necklace of Many Things under his shirt or put it in his pocket, it was Patrick that was starting to present a problem, the school didn't allow pets to tag along to class, much less a full grown man. With that in mind, he and Patrick were standing against a wall, trying to blend in and look inconspicuous.
"You know you can't follow me to my classes," Scott hissed in a low whisper.
"Don't put me on the same mental level as you bitch, I'm already prepared," Patrick pointed his cross at himself. "Guardian Cross, invisibility to mortals!" Despite all that spellduggery Scott could still see the Guardian Spirit.
"Nice job fuckwit I can still see you."
A smack on the side of the head and a scowl was Patrick's initial response to that comment. "Damn fool. Haven't you realized that you've got some bitchin' power in that necklace!"
"You said invisibility to mortals, and while I'm sure it's not going to work on my history teacher why the hell doesn't work with me," Scott paused, calculating some possible reason. He gasped aloud, no way… "Does this necklace make me immortal!"
Patrick shook his head verry slowly side to side. "Sorry champ, it may be the Necklace of Many Things, but immortality's not one of those things. You can see me because my spells only work on people with less power than me-"
"Waitaminute, then how did you turn me into a gerbil?"
"Fool! You put the necklace down! By yourself you're little orphan Annie, but the Necklace of Many Things makes you Mike Tyson!"
"Mike Tyson's a magician?"
Patrick smacked himself upside the head. "No, Mike Tyson is a lot stronger than little orphan Annie!"
"Then if I'm Mike Tyson, who're you?"
By now a few people were staring at the dumb kid having a conversation with a wall, so Scott looked away from Patrick and pretended not to notice him. As he was averting his gaze he saw a familiar black haired boy making a beeline in his direction.
"Scott, there ya are buddy," he called waving at him like a moron.
"Hey Mark, how's it going."
"Is this that dumb kid you said was your friend?" Patrick whispered in Scott's ear. Scott swatted at him.
"Mom let you ditch school yesterday? I wish my Mom would let me stay home for stupid reasons, its no fun staying home with a cold, those days I actually wanna go to school," Mark prattled on.
"Yeah, I had to claim my inheritance, Mom and Aunt Sara wanted to check it out so they just let me stay home."
"What'd you get man, money, stuff, stupid old people stuff?"
"Just some dumb necklace, I'm probably gonna have Mom pawn it off for me."
"Don't do that!" Patrick screeched in his ear. Scott swatted at him again, hitting him in the eyebrow.
"Was it just me or did that gnat say 'Ow dammit' when you killed it?"
"It was just you Mark, gnats don't talk."
"Man, you should have missed today instead of yesterday. The Old Hag's history test is today."
The Old Hag was Scott's history teacher, an old lady with a nose that looked like a cucumber (both because of the length and that it had a couple warts). She had proper name, but Scott and Mark never really noticed, they called her ma'am to her face and The Old Hag at other times. Both boys were convinced she could teach history so well because she lived through it.
"I sure know how to pick those days off," Scott said sarcastically.
"Dude, if you did you wouldn't have picked this day dumbass."
"I can't believe there's someone stupider than you in the world," Patrick hissed. This time he jumped aside when Scott's hand came flying back at him.
"Who's stupid?" Mark said looking around for the disembodied voice.
"No one Mark, you're just going crazy."
"Needs to stop sniffin' that crack," was Patrick's two cents worth.
This time Scott didn't have any time to retaliate, as the school bell rang and people started filing into the building. He did however, have time to shoo the Guardian Spirit a dirty look before heading into the building. He made it to his locker relatively unscarred, save for the two brain cells that committed suicide during Mark's rant on some online game he played in when he wasn't trying to break into porn sites (or ranting to Scott for that matter).
First period was easy, lit with Thunder Tits. As long as you maintained eye contact with some part of her body, she thought you were paying attention and continued talking about onamonapoea and all that other dumb stuff she was trying to cram into their heads. Of course Mark pretended to fall asleep so she'd have to bend over and wake him up, but Mark was a pervert and that was a weekly occurrence. The only difference was that he had to knee Patrick in the gut to keep him from possibly saying something very loud and very rude when he first saw Thunder Tits.
Things started to go downhill as soon as first period was over though…
"What class you got next?" Patrick asked. An ear to ear grin was plastered on the Guardian Spirit's face, since he obviously enjoying the reactions of a kid whose locker he'd shut with his foot so it wouldn't open.
"History," Scott muttered pulling the book from his locker. He was hoping his invisible menace would shut up, he'd had enough of the no-see-em peanut gallery.
"I would help you out, seein' that I know so much about history and all, but since you're a little bitch I'm just gonna-Oh my God!" Patrick punched Scott's shoulder, causing him to drop his stuff with a curse. "Who's that," he pointed at an older girl with shoulder length relaxed hair, a dark purple pheasant top, black low rider jeans, and inch high black heels, who was currently walking past them on her way to her next class.
"Some girl, there are a lot of girls like her at this school, you can join Mark in his drool fests at lunch, now c'mon," Scott pulled on the back of Patrick's shirt and started stomping off to history. Patrick protested all the way, saying a bunch of gibberish about finally finding his soul mate. They stopped in front of The Old Hag's classroom.
"I don't think you should go in there, your spell only works on mortals," Scott said.
"Trust me that is a mortal, no matter how old they look, they all gonna die some day."
"You sure about that?"
"Just you watch me," Patrick proceeded to walk in the classroom and started dancing in front of the blackboard. That dance included grinding in back of The Old Hag when she bent over to rifle through the bottom drawer of her desk. Scott covered his eyes and sighed, convinced that he was now scarred for life.
Patrick was just as annoying during the test, claiming to know exactly what it was about, and teasing him about his so-called historical knowledge. After a few minutes he succeeded in blocking him out, and went on with his work. Another scant few moments and his thoughts wandered to the necklace hidden under his shirt. What use was the gaudy bauble if all it did was summon the most annoying creatures that ever existed, conjured the greatest cookies in the history of great cookies, and made him immune to said summoned annoying creature's hocus-pocus. Couldn't the damn thing at least do his tests for him! As soon as the thought passed through his noggin said damn thing began to warm up. A light blue glow encompassed his answer sheet and a score of little black marks appeared in the spaces. Scott's eyes widened dramatically and he stared in wonder at the now completed test. A smack against the back of his head brought him back to the real world.
"Dumb shit, don't use the necklace here!" Came Patrick's voice from behind him.
Scott frowned and got up to turn his test in. No way he was going to erase the necklace's answers and put in his own, it would be like an insult to the its own intelligence. He stuck out his tongue at Patrick and went to sleep on his desk.
"Mr. Newman, Mr. Newman!" A hand shook his shoulder.
He woke up to see The Old Hag leaning over with her hand on his shoulder. That was the last time he was falling asleep in this class! Patrick snickered from behind him.
"Get your stuff, you're parents are here to pick you up," The teacher let go of his shoulder and scowled fiercely at the student's that peered curiously at the scene.
Even though he was confused as hell, Scott gathered his stuff and left the classroom, Patrick hot on his heels.
"What the fuck did you do now," The Guardian Spirit demanded as soon as they exited.
"I didn't do anything," Scott snapped in defense, heading toward his locker so he could get his backpack.
"Don't tell me your Mom and her girlfriend are takin' you out of school again, do they really want you to grow up and be a dumbass?"
This time Scott chose to zone Patrick out again. It didn't work too well, he could barely make out the insults flying like a swarm of bees out of the Guardian Spirit's mouth. At least his Mom could defend him from Patrick, as long as she didn't double over laughing at his jibes.
He opened the door to the office and saw no parental figures. What he did see was a lot of secretaries and other office personnel lying on the floor. Standing against the table where the check out early clip board lay was a man about Patrick's height with slicked back black hair that went down to his shoulders, red magician's robes and pointed boots that looked like he'd been snatched out of some random anime looks wise.
"You must be Ramses Scott Newman, current bearer of the Necklace of Many Things," the man said in a voice that, if Scott were an anime fan he would have realized, was given to most antagonists that were always better in every way than the protagonist. "I am Zear, and I assure you that you won't have it by time I'm done with you."