I know everything.

You heard me, everything.

Yes, everything about anything.

The square root of pi?

Ah – a trick question!

Pies are round, not square.

Is there intelligent life on other planets?

Hmm, I think a better question might be

Is there intelligent life on this planet?

Well, yes – me, of course.

After all, I know everything.

But besides me – I doubt it.

What happens when we die?

Well, we die, of course.

That's a no-brainer.

At least for me, anyhow,

Considering I know everything.

I even know what you're thinking!

Go ahead, pick a number, any number,

Between one and three.

The number you picked is…two, correct?

Told you I know everything.