Tom Sawyer Meets Trinity School
When Tom Sawyer was a young boy one of the most famous American novels ever to be written was written, and he was the novel's protagonist. The novel became so famous, beloved, and well known that many leaders of America met in the White House. Apparently a group consisting of hundreds of English teachers had thought that it would be a good idea to preserve Tom Sawyer in his present state of youth so that English teachers in the future could study him. The President's secretary wrote back to them, telling them that this would be impossible. The English teachers became flustered by this response, and wrote back. They threatened to assassinate the president and call up the world's current SCIMEBOC (Sociopath Currently In the Middle East Bombing Other Countries) at the time to destroy America. This message was brought to the president himself, and he called the meeting in the White House.
"So, that's the current issue that we're discussing," the President said after relating the story to the other people in the room.
"So you got us here today to tell us that we're gonna die?" one of the military executives asked.
"No, I got you here today to see if you knew any way to prevent us from dieing," replied the President, "Any suggestions?"
"Why don't we just kill the English teachers?" asked the head military executive. This solution to their current state of problems was typical coming from him.
"Well, I was looking for a more peaceable solution," said the President to him.
"I'll give you $50 bucks if you let me kill them," offered the same man.
"No, any other suggestions?"
"How about $100?" the same executive asked.
The executive grunted and started to sulk.
"Okay," continued the President, "any other solutions?"
Then a man named Mr. Floggerty who always sat in the corner and drew pictures of monkeys with horns spoke up. "Why don't we cryogenically freeze him just like they did in Austin Powers?" he said. He took his statement back once he realized that there was no such movie as Austin Powers. There wasn't even such a thing as movies. He thought himself crazy, but he had a gut feeling inside of him that one day there would be such a thing as movies, and that one of these would be named Austin Powers. The other members of the meeting sat for a moment, trying to comprehend what he had just said. Then the president spoke again.
"You mean we should freeze his body?" was the president's question.
"Yeah. That's the one," Mr. Floggerty told them.
"Brilliant," praised the president. A letter was sent to the English teachers the moment that the meeting was adjourned, and the head military executive that had been so intent on killing the group of rebellious English teachers was assigned to capture Tom Sawyer so that they could freeze him.
In 100 odd years, in the year of 1999, an English teacher at Trinity school was researching her family's history, and found that 100 or so years ago her great-great-great-great grandmother was an English teacher. She found out that Tom Sawyer had been cryonically frozen, and thought that it would be great for the 6th grade at Trinity to be able to meet him for a day. She called up a friend of importance at the White House and asked if she could get Tom Sawyer to visit Trinity. Her friend thought that she was psycho at first. At this point in time everybody "knew" that Tom Sawyer was a ficticious character, and even those who weren't so sure as to the reality of Tom Sawyer "knew" that he would be dead. But then the Trinity teacher told her friend, who worked for the Secret Service, that she had done some research and found that Tom Sawyer had been cryogenically frozen. Her friend did some research on the White House computer and found the same thing. This friend emailed the current president, Bill Clinton asking about this. Bill Clinton did some research, and got the same results as the other two had. Bill Clinton suddenly had a brainstorm: He would make lots of money by renting Tom Sawyer to schools for a day. He called back the English teacher's friend, and told her that yes, it was so, and that if any school would pay the government $1,000,000 dollars that they could have Tom Sawyer in their school for a day. The friend called the teacher, and relayed the news. The teacher in turn called the headmaster of Trinity School and other important people, and relayed the same news. They decided to hold a bake sale to help raise money to bring Tom Sawyer to their school. All of the kids were asked to bring in food to sell. They made $462 by doing so. The faculty of Trinity school realized that doing bake sales wasn't the answer to raising $1,000,000, but the English teachers of the sixth grade pushed the faculty to try harder because they thought that it would be a great learning experience to have Tom Sawyer in school. One faculty member suggested that they sell the Kindergarteners into slavery, but that opinion wasn't very popular among the other members of the faculty. Another suggested that they sell the teachers into slavery, but that was even less popular. Yet another faculty member had a similar suggestion. This suggestion was to sell both the Kindergarteners and the teachers into slavery. The Faculty couldn't decide on what to do, so the English teachers took matters into their own hands. They found that Tom Sawyer's frozen body was being stored in a secret chamber in the White House. They were also aware of the fact that the 8th graders were going to Washington D.C. the next day. The English teacher's plan was to stow away in the bus to D.C. and when they got there to steal Tom Sawyer's body and unfreeze him themselves.
The Next Day
The next day, early in the morning, a Trinity bus was on its way to Washington D.C., with the English teachers hidden under the back seat. It was very cramped, but the English teachers were determined to do whatever they could to get Tom Sawyer to Trinity school. When the bus arrived in D.C., the back door was opened to get snacks out. While the driver of the bus and certain teachers were doing so, the English teachers began to make their way out from under the back seat. When the teachers finished unloading the snacks, the teachers jumped out and ran towards the general direction of the White House.
When the English teachers got to the White House the English teacher who knew a Secret Service agent went about finding him to take a tour of the White House. She found him in the oval office surfing a XXX porno site on the president's computer. She said hi and then the English teachers were on the tour of the White House. They were showed many things that they did not care about, until they were shown the place in which Tom Sawyer was. One of the English teachers said to the Secret Service agent, "You look thirsty, why don't you go get a drink?"
"Well, I am thirsty..." he said, and went to get a drink. Then each of the English teachers pulled out a huge axe from their backpacks, and smashed a sizeable hole into the wall of the Tom Sawyer Room. They walked in, stole Tom Sawyer, and then ran out as fast as they could. There was a diversion currently being created in the cafeteria of the White House, and so getting out of the White House was easy for the English teachers because all of the Secret Service agents were busy. They lugged the cryogenically frozen Tom Sawyer back to the bus, and put him under one of the seats. Then they scrunched themselves back under the back seat, and waited for the 8th graders to return.
Back in Trinity
When the English teachers got back to Trinity, they got the science teacher to melt Tom Sawyer back into his original form. They put Tom Sawyer in 6L. Tom Sawyer was still asleep, as he had been for more than 100 years. One of the English teachers requested attention politely from the denizens of 6L. Then she spoke. "6L, this is Tom Sawyer. He was cryogenically frozen 100 years ago and we have brought him to Trinity to spend the day." Some of the members of 6L oohed and aahed; the others just went back to what they were doing. Then the English teacher awoke Tom.
When Tom awoke, he walked over to the area in the corner of the room where the computer was. He had never seen or heard of a computer before, and so he was curious. As far as anybody could tell, he did not notice anything unusual about his surroundings as of yet. But then he saw the computer. Once he saw the advanced technology his primordial little brain went into a state of confusion, and he had a seizure. One of the students at the computer said, "Tom just passed out!"
Another student at the computer said, "Get off my binder."
One of the English teacher awoke Tom and said, "Tom, you have been frozen for more than 100 years. You are in the year 1999. You are in a school. You are going to spend the day in this school. Okay?"
"You mean I've been asleep for a hundred years?"
"Yeah," all of the students of 6L said.
"Wow, this is even greater than the time Hucky, Joe and I ran away and became pirates."
"We know all about it. We've read about you," one of the English teachers told him.
"Wouldja mind tellin' me what that contraption is over there?" Tom asked. He was talking about the computer. 6L told him that it was a computer, and all about what it did. Then Tom started to interact with the other students. He walked up to one and said, "Hi."
"Feddddd. Must play Fedddddd," responded the student. He sounded brainwashed, and in fact he was. He had been brainwashed by an addictive computer game.
"What's Fed?" asked Tom. "Computer game. Very fun. Feddddd."
Tom was still confused by the computer, so he decided to talk to somebody whose existence wasn't dependent on it. "Hi," he said to another student.
"Hi," replied the student in a voice that didn't sound inviting at all.
Tom replied to that, "I can lick you."
"Ew! Get away from me!" replied the student.
"I can, you know."
"I don't want you to lick me!"
"If you cross this line I'll beat you to a pulp," replied Tom. The student just walked away. Tom called him a sissy, and told him that his big brother was going to lick him.
"Your whole family wants to lick me?" inquired the student. Tom realized that he was getting nowhere, and so he stopped talking to the student. Suddenly, he had a great idea for a prank. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his dead rat by the tail. He walked up to the computer, and when nobody was looking he took out the Bowie knife given to him by his sister Mary and cut a square into the screen. He stuck the rat in. When he touched one of the wires inside of the computer, he got electrocuted. He woke up a minute later. He had been lucky. The students of 6L surrounded him once again. He got up, and said that nothing was wrong with him. Then the student that had been obsessing over "Feddddd" put a CD into the computer. Tom didn't see this. The computer started to make noises. The student that put the CD in thought of the noise as music. Tom couldn't become accustomed to this 90's music, and had a seizure on the spot. When he woke up he was still in the same room.
"I think that this new time is too much for me," he said, "is there anyway for you to bring me back to the days before I was frozen?"
"No, I don't think that there is," responded one of the teachers. But then one of the students had an idea.
"How 'bout we cryogenically freeze you again until somebody invents a time machine?" suggested the student. All of the students agreed that that would be the only way. And so Tom Sawyer was frozen again. 5