My name is Bwenabe. (I did have a picture that I made of him. Basically, he's one weird looking mothafucka) I have a lot of friends. The following is a list of my friends: (I hope the little chart I made appears okay on Fanfiction...)
Cribbia Stupid, hair looks like rib cage
Wawajawa Always ticked off, hair looks like roller coaster
Bud Spits a lot, Minor League baseball player for Yankees
Horarro Two feet tall, long arms, mean, likes slapping people
Billi Banilli Milli Vanilli fan, banana shaped hair, big feet, tall
Snotto Always negative, hair goes up, not down
Horrar Billi Banilli and Horarro's brother, tiniest person ever
Trapezoid Geometry teacher, head shaped like trapeziod
Homer Simpson If you watch his show you'll know
Snooter Vacuum nose, sucks up all of his teeth
Morlana Big nose
Oh My Nose is a face, has moose antlers with hair in middle
Birdie Hair resembles middle finger, has 3 fingers and toes
Wooh Mamma 2 real eyes, 7 fake. 2 real nostrils, 4 fake
Kid Kelly DJ that Wears black paper bag on head
Ma$e A bad bad bad incomprehensible boy
Puff Daddy Best rapper ever (or so I though back then)
Biggy Smalls Dead
My friends and I enjoy one thing in particualar. Money. Many of our lives are terrible, however, because not all of us have that much money. That's why we formed and organization to get money. About three days ago we were brainstorming for ways to get money when I got an idea. I said, "Why don't we do a fair? We'll do it right outside some little school and each of us will do something that they have to pay to see or do, or whatever. Trapezoid thought it was a good idea, and after a while we convinced everybody to go along with the plan.
"Well, everybody should have a booth of their own to operate. Let's figure out who should do what in their booth." Said Trapezoid.
"Hmmmm. I could take out my eye balls." Said Cribbia. Cribbia is very gifted. He can take out and put back in his eye balls any time he wants.
"Yeah. We could put you in this area surrounded by curtains, and then put a toll booth up. When you put a dollar in you get to see you take out your eyes." I said. . "Well, I could operate the roller coaster. What's a fair without a roller coaster?" asked Wawajawa. His hair isn't shaped like a roller coaster by coincidence.
"And I could make 'em pay me to see me spit." Said Bud.
"How far can you spit?" I asked.
"Last night in the game against Baltimore I hit a fan in the upper deck." Said Bud. Since pratice makes perfect, Bud is a great spitter.
"You could be in an enclosed place just like Cribbia, but with an open top for you to spit through. Start practicing your spitting, because you have a big day on the 3rd." I said. Bud started to spit.
"We have a kind of freak show, don't we? Cribbia pulls his eyes out, and Bud spits. What's a freak show without a midget? I'll be your midget." Horarro offered. "Okay Horarro, but don't slap them." I said. "I'll be the DJ. I'll play Milli Vanilli all day long." Offered Billi Banilli. "Sorry, Billi, but no one wants to listen to those corny lip synchers. Anyway, Kid Kelly's a professional, so he'll be the DJ. You can be the . . . banana vendor." I offered. "You like bananas, don't you?" "Okay. I'll vend the bananas." "I'll be the criticizer. Anybody does something bad, I'll let 'em anybody does something good, I'll criticize 'em just the same." Offered Snotto.
"Sure. Just don't say a word to the customers. You do and I'll get Cribbia to remove your eyes and never give 'em back." I said.
"Wait, what about me for the midget act? I'm the tiniest person ever!" Said Horrar.
"No. They wouldn't be able to see you, and demand their money back," I said, "You just stay off to the side where nobody will step on you."
"I could do mathemagics land," offered Trapeziod.
"What? Mathemagics land?" I asked.
"Yeah. Because math is magic. I would ask them a question, they would answer, and then I'd ask them why, and if they said 'Because math is magic' then they'd get a 100% return." He said. Trapezoid is a geometry teacher, but it's probably apparent that he's a Kindergarten geometry teacher.
"Well, mathememagics is a little corny. But what about math jeoardy? Two people pay a certain amount of money, exactly the same, and whoever gets the question right gets a 50% return. That means that if the two people bet a dollar and nobody gets it right we make two dollars, and if someone gets it right we still get $.50."
"All right." He answered.
"I'll sell the beer." Offered Homer.
"Well, these are little kids."
"So? Why not start 'em off at a young age?"
"Homer, it's illegal. Well, there will be parents there, so I guess you can do it." I said.
"I'll be the cleaner upper. I can pick up all of the wrappers that people throw on the floor. And who knows? Maybe I'll pick up a few unattended purses as well." Offered Snooter.
"All right." I said.
"I'll be the clown. They can honk my nose." Offered Morlana.
"Perfect. But make them have to pay to honk your nose." I said.
"Mr. Nose can hypnotize people to spend lots of money." Offered Oh My.
"Yeah. I just say, 'Biggy Biggy Biggy, can't you see, sometimes my ways just hypnotize thee." Said Mr. Nose.
"All right." I said.
"I could catapult kids who want to be catapulted with the middle finger on my head."
"Sure." I said in response.
"I'll be in the freak show. How will they know that my eyes and nostrils are fake?" Asked Wooh Mamma.
"All right." I said.
"I'll be the DJ." Kid Kelly said.
"I'll perform live." Puffy said.
"Yo, I'll do 'dat too." Said Ma$e.
"What did he say?" We all inquired in unison.
"My man Ma$e is tryin' to say that he'll perform live wid' me. Why don't we do 'Can't Nobody Hold Me Down?'"
"Sure." He said.
"What did he say?" We all asked.
"He said 'Sure'" Puffy translated. That was April 1. At night we had a meeting, but Bud couldn't make it. He was playing for the Yankees' single-A team. We discussed where we would do it. "Why, Varkezoliak, of course!" Trapezoid said. That's where he teaches.
"All right. Why don't we get the permit stuff tonight, start getting set up tomorrow, and do it on the 3rd?" I asked.
"All right. That sounds good to me." Snotto said.
"I'll call 1-800 PERMIT." Puffy said.
"All right. Let's meet at Varkezoliak at 10:00 AM tomorrow," Trapezoid said, "That's when I have a break."
I got to Varkezoliak at 9:30 AM. Trapezoid came at 9:57. Wooh Mamma came at 10:11. No one else came until 11:00. The last person to come was Bud, at 2:49. "You guys are pathetic! Trapezoid says 10:00. But you come walking in NOW? And there are still eight people left to come!" I yelled at about 11:20 when about half of the people were there.
"Sorry, Bwenabe, but we all thought that we'd come in an hour late so that we wouldn't have to work as much." Homer said.
"What? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?!" I yelled.
"Uh huh, yeah," Puffy said.
"Yo, ya see, we don't wanna work, yo." Ma$e said.
Nobody even bothered to ask what he said, but Puffy translated it nonetheless. "He says that he don't wanna work." He said.
"Guys, how are our stupid little get rich quick schemes going to work if you aren't willing to work?" Wooh Mamma asked.
"Yeah!" Trapezoid exclaimed.
"Hey, guys, sorry I'm late, but I had to stop at McDonalds to pick up a burger." Snotto said. He had just come in.
"A burger took that long?" I asked. "Oh, and what are the rest of you's excuses?"
"Uh, ya see. . ." they all started to explain.
"I do not see! I DO NOT SEE! I DO NOT SEE! I DO NOT SEE WHY YOU WOULD BETRAY YOUR FELLOW GET RICH QUICKERS!"
"Bwenabe, you should go home and get some rest. You're actin' like my mamma did just before they put a straight jacket on her and took her to the looney bin." Said Mr. Nose.
"Mr. Nose, my mother is your mother, and that never happened!" Said Morlana.
"Hey, don't blame me about that! That's not my fault! You know that it should have happened!" Said Mr. Nose.
"All right. I'll go home and get some rest, Mr. Nose. I'll come back at four PM, and if I like what I see you can all leave." I said. At four, when I came back, Trapezoid was the only one there.
"Bwenabe, they all left!"
"What? Okay, then they don't get their equal share in the profits." I said. I was trying to stay calm.
"Bwenabe, do you remember the person who used to be our leader, before you became our leader?"
"Oh, yeah. No-armed Ben. He died, right?"
"Yeah. Well, I was in the GRQD (Get Rich Quick or Die) organization before you, and I remember a time when Benny had his arms."
"Do you remember how he lost his arms?" I inquired.
"We were working on a mail fraud project. I remember that a few guys arrived an hour late, he said that the profits wouldn't be shared equally, and two of the people took out a chain saw and. . ." He said.
"Oh. I guess I will share them equally. But I'll give them a warning that if they do it one more time they'll be expelled from the GRQD."
"Uh, I'm not supposed to tell anybody, but that's how he died." Trapezoid said reluctantly.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, the next time those same people came late, he threatened to expell them from the GRQD. Uh, well, they snuk into his hotel room one night heavily armed, and, uh. . .." Trapezoid said.
"All right. I'll let it pass. Who left first?"
"Bud. He left at 2:44. He arrived at 2:43." Trapezoid reported.
"Oh, man. Did he say anything about a practice? Maybe he had an excuse."
"Uh, he did, but I could see him crossing his fingers." Said Trapezoid.
"Hm. Well, if tomorrow isn't a success then warn the guys that I might get a little ticked off." "I don't think ticked off is the right word. I think something a little more emotional would be in store." Said Trapezoid.
When I got home I called 1-800 PROTECT. I asked for a bodyguard, because I was going to threaten to share profits unequally if one of them wasn't in front of Varkezoliak on time.
"Hello. You have called 1-800 PROTECT. How may we help you?" Said the voice on the phone.
"Uh, hello, I'd like. . ." I stopped, because I realized the voice on the phone was a recording.
"If are in moderate trouble press 1 now. If you are in deep trouble press 2 now. If you are in major trouble and are willing to spend a lot of money press 3 now." I pressed three, remembering Trapezoid's story of no-armed Ben.
"If you want a bodyguard that might protect you well and will be very nice to you press 1 now. If you want a bodyguard that will probably protect you well but won't be as nice press 2 now. If you would like a bodyguard that will protect you well but will be very rude press 3 now." I pressed 3.
"The bodyguard you have chosen is Joe Mamma. The bodyguard Joe Mamma. I wish you luck, because you're going to need it."
Then I was connected to Joe Mamma, and he began to speak over the phone. "YO! This is Joe Mamma, the agen- I mean bodyguard Joe Mamma. Where do you live?"
"Uh, I live at 14 E. 14th St." I replied.
"Ohhhh, east side mothafucka up in here. And whassup wid' dat voice of yo's? You sound like Ross Perot or some shit like that, man! Man, yo voice is messed!" Said the bodyguard. The voice on the phone had been right. I was going to need luck.
After I met Joe Mamma on the phone I called up all of the members of the GRQD and told them that I would share profits unequally if they didn't arrive in front of Varkezoliak at 12:00 PM. At 5:00 in the morning I woke up, or was woken up. "YO! Time to wake up, yo! Get yoself out of yo bed, yo!" I recognized the voice, but I couldn't quite place it, because I had just woken up. Once I got out of my bed it hit me. It was Joe Mamma. I walked over to the window to get a look at him. He shouted, "Whoa! Wigga, if yo name is as stupid as your face, then Ima drop dead wit' laughter. Tell me, what's yo name?" Joe Mamma asked.
"It's Bwenabe." I answered.
"Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha," laughed Joe Mamma. After a long period of laughs he said, "now, the reason that I didn't drop dead is cuz even that name ain't as stupid as yo face!"
"Mr. Mamma, it's 5:00 AM. What are you doing awake?"
"Mr. Mamma? You be callin' me Mr. Mamma? Whas yo problem?"
"Mr. Mamma, go home. Be in front of Varkezoliak at 12:00 PM."
"Sure! Wait, lemme take a pikcha' of you," He took out a camera and took a picture, "Now, I'm gonna get this developed, and I'll be laughin' all day!"
At 12:00 PM, to my surprise, every single member of the GQRD except for Billi Banilli was in front of Varkezoliak, and it was set up. It's amazing how people can change when money is at stake. I asked Bud where Billi Banilli was.
"Haven't you heard? One of the Milli Vanilli people died. I don't know which one it was. Billi threatened to commit suicide a couple of hours ago, and he jumped off a building. Luckily, the police had moved some kind of trampoline under him. They took him to the mental hospital," was the answer.
"For trying to commit suicide?" I asked.
"No, for liking Milli Vanilli!"
At 12:30 the Kindergarteners and 1st graders were let out. "Hey, kids, why don't you play some games at our carnival?" Asked Trapezoid.
"Mommy, mommy, I wanna play the games! Lemme play the games, I wanna play the games!" Said all of the kids to their parents.
"Oh, I don't know. Hm. Maybe. . ." The parents all answered.
"You'll get beer. . ." Homer offered from his beer stand. All of the parents quickly said okay. I decided to walk around and see how things were going. First off, I checked the freak show.
"Hey, kid, wanna see me take out my eyes?" Cribbia was asking kids. Once he did that, all of the kids ran to the next exhibit. The next exhibit was Bud and his super spitting power. The first time he spit, he hit the principal on the 7th floor of the Varkezoliak school. The second time he spit, however, he sneezed. Therefore, his head was forced down right before he spit, and he hit one of the parents. Then the mucus from the sneeze hit that same parent. You should have seen the look on that parent's face.
He stormed out of the room. He was so angry that he forgot to take his kid with him. In the next exhibit was Horraro.
"You're smaller than me!" one of the kids exclaimed. Horraro slapped him. "Owwwww! Mommy, this person hit me!"
"How dare you?" She slapped him back. Then he slapped her five times before she could react to slap him again. A couple minutes later, when I left for the next exhibit, they were still going at it. The next exhibit was Wooh Mamma.
"Wooh, mamma! You're freaky." One of the kids said.
"How did you know my name?" Wooh Mamma asked.
"Huh?" The kid asked.
"You're freaky!" Wooh Mamma exclaimed. "You know my name! What gives you the right to know my name? I'm going to have to kill you, you psychic little freak!" He said.
"AAAAAAAH!" The kid shrieked, and ran away.
"So, kids, was that freaky?" I asked them when they left. They all nodded their heads. The next place I visited was the roller coaster.
"Hey, kids, get on," Wawajawa was saying, "Hey, I said get on! Hurry up, I don't have all day! Get in!" After about a minute all of the kids were in. "Courtesy of your tardiness, I'm gonna jack the speed up so this ride goes faster!" Wawajawa yelled. Before I could stop him, he changed the speed on the roller coaster from "turtle" to "lightning." I could've sworn that the lighting level of speed went just as fast as its namesake. Before the kids even noticed the amazing speed that they were travelling at, the roller coaster had gone around four times. Before they could open their mouths to start screaming, it went around six more times.
"Slow it down!" I yelled to Wawajawa while the roller coaster went around 10 times.
"What?" He asked while the coaster came around four more times.
"SLOW IT DOWN!" I screamed, and it went around 12 times.
"Oh, fine." He said, while it went around another seven times. By the time he had turned it off it had gone around 51 times. None of the kids even got off of the roller coaster. They were all unconscious. I ran away quick to check out Trapezoid's math jeopardy game.
"Okay, kiddies. What is 2x2?" Trapezoid answered.
"Four!" They both answered simultaneously.
"All right, you both answered at the same time, so you both get your money!" Trapezoid said.
"Trapezoid, I hope that those kids weren't betting a lot." I said, gritting my teeth.
"Uh, actually they did. The both bet $100." He replied.
"That means that we lost $100." I said, still gritting my teeth.
"So what?" He asked.
"Look, the GRQD stands for get rich quick or die. It looks like you want to die, because that certainly won't get you rich quick."
"I don't want to die, silly billy gumdrops. I just want the little kiddies to enjoy their trip into Mathemagics Land." He replied.
"You're doing Mathemagics Land? We agreed against that!" I yelled.
"Can we play Mathemagics land?" Two kids asked that had just arrived at the booth.
"IT'S CALLED MATH JEOPARDY!" I said.
"Oh. We're both betting $1,000. What's the question? You asked us 4+4 the last two times, so don't ask us it again." Said one of the kids.
"Sure, kiddies. Your question is. . ." He was about to say 4+5, but I butted in.
"What's 99x99?" I said quickly, "You have ten seconds to answer. Ten, nine, eight."
"They can't answer that in ten seconds! Give them a minute!" Said Trapezoid.
"They can go get a calculator in a minute. Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, time's up. Sorry."
The two kids began to cry.
"My mommy said that if I didn't pay her back she'd tan my little scrawny ass!"
"Oh. That's not my problem. Trapezoid, if I catch you doing any of your kindergarten crap again I'll ban you from the GRQD."
"Okay, Bwenabe." He said. Then I went to Homer's beer vending booth.
"Hi, Homer." I said.
"Oh, hi. Want some beer?" He asked.
"Sure. How's it going?"
"Great. I've had to go get refills twice. I came in with 100 bottles of beer. I put them on the wall, and the wall was empty in 13 minutes. Then I went and got 1,000 bottles. They ran out, and I just went and got 10,000 bottles."
"How much are you charging per bottle?" I inquired.
"$5." He replied.
"Whoa! So you've sold at least $5,000 worth!" I said.
"Yeah. Do you see that guy over there?"
"Yeah." Homer was pointing to somebody about 6'7", and was sipping two Fosters at a time. He was obviously Australian.
"He's had about half of the beer." Said Homer.
"Awesome!" I said. "I'll go over to Snooter."
"Hi Bwenabe." Said Snooter when I got to him.
"Hi. How have you been doing."
"Great. I did pick up an unattended purse."
"What did it have in it?"
"Uh, nothing. I gave it back to the lady and she gave me this award." He held up a piece of paper. It was green. It had a picture of Benjamin Franklin on it.
"She gave you a Benjamin for an empty purse?"
"Well, she did, but she didn't mean to. She meant to give me a ten." He replied.
"Cool." I said. I went over to check out how Morlana was doing.
"Hey, Bwenabe, my nose is a big hit!" Said Morlana when I found him.
"Yeah. I've raised the price to honk my nose from a quarter to $5."
"Are you crazy? $5 to honk a nose?"
"No. The people are. Oh, and cutting in line was very rude of you! Don't you see the 100 people behind you waiting to honk my nose?" I looked behind me, and saw that indeed there was a big line to pay $5 to honk Morlana's nose. I almost fainted. What kind of a fool would pay $5 just to honk a nose? Then I went over to Oh My.
"Hi Bwenabe. Um, this guy came by earlier looking for you. He said, 'Yo, do ya know whe'ya a stupid lookin' guy named Bwenabe is?'" Oh My told me . "Oh, that would be Joe Mamma. Where is he?"
"He just went over to the beer stand."
"Oh, and do you know what? There are a hundred people in line to honk Morlana's nose!" I said.
"Oh, yeah. Isn't Mr. Nose great? He should be a professional hypnotizer." Said Oh My.
"Yeah! I can get people to pay $5 to honk a nose! Hah! Those people are pathetic!" Said Mr. Nose.
"Oh, so that's it." Then I saw a kid flying over my head at 100 miles per hour. "Whoa! What's that? A kid is flying?" I exclaimed.
"Oh, it's Birdie. He's launching the kids towards us, to the north, because if he launched to the south he'd land them on the roof of Varekzoliak, to the east would land them on a parked car, and the west would land them on top of that big building. Towards us lands 'em on that half deflated blimp over there."
"I'll go check out how business is doing over there." I said.
"Hey, Bwenabe, take a ride." Birdie said when I got there.
"Uh, I'm not sure-"
"Come on, Bwenabe! Take a ride or I'll give you the Birdie!" He said.
"Uh, all right." I said.
"Okay, get ready." He said. Then he launched me into the air. It was very exhilarating. That is, until I realized that I wasn't going to hit the deflated blimp on my landing. I realized that I was going to land 15 feet in front of it. I screamed, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"YO! What are yo doin' up there? Holy shit! Yo gonna hit the concrete! Why ya wann go and do dat?! Ya gonna ruin my reputation." I heard Joe Mamma saying. Then I saw him running. He ran past Birdie, and I thought that he just might break my fall, but then I saw that he had to go over a 15 foot fence. I got dismayed. I decided to start making excuses to tell the hospital why I couldn't pay my hospital bill. I closed my eyes, because I think better that way. I soon felt myself begin to go down rapidly. I opened my eyes, only to see Joe Mamma catch me. Don't ask me how he pulled that one off. "Look, yo. Nobody, and dat means nobody, destroys Joe Mamma's spotless reputation," He said, and walked away. I decided to go find Birdie.
"Look, I'm sorry Bwenabe. It's just that you're a lot heavier than the little kids." He tried to explain.
"Why didn't you think of that before you nearly cracked my head open on a slab of hard pavement?" I asked.
"Uh, I don't know. When you have a middle finger sticking through your head you don't always think that well!" Birdie said.
"Birdie, I'm going home." I said.
"Look, you just nearly pelted me a hundred miles per hour straight onto a slab of concrete. I just saw my life flash in front of me. I'm not exactly at my best right now. If a customer asks me a question, I'll end up giving 'em the birdie. I shouldn't stay here." I explained.
"Bwenabe, leave early and the profits will be shared unequally." Birdie said.
"If any of us came late we'd lose money, so why wouldn't you lose money if you leave early." He asked.
"Well, because I have an excuse. I feel bad." I said.
"Fine. Leave. Just remember that if you do I'll form a mutiny. And anyway, it says in the GRQD rules that you can only leave a get rich quick scheme early if you puke" He said.
"Oh, fine. I'll go to the freak show. Maybe if I watch Cribbia take out his eyes a couple of time I'll puke." I said, and then walked over to the freak show.
"Hey, kids, do you want to see me take out my eyes?" Cribbia asked.
"Look, stupid. You can't really take out your eyes. It's an optical illusion." Said one of the kids. The slightly more hostile older kids had been let out of school, and the reason they were going to our exhibit was to basically annoy us.
"Hey, kid. To prove it, I'll take out your eyes." Cribbia said.
"Ha! You're a fool! Try." The kid said. Cribbia reached into the kid's eye socket, pulled the eye out, and ripped it into 16 separate blobs.
"Hey! What are you doing to my eye? I'm telling my mom that you stole my eye and tore it into little tiny pieces!" He said, and then ran out of the freak show. I watched Cribbia take his eyes out five more times, and when I didn't feel nautious I decided to walk out. When I walked by Horraro's exhibit I noticed that he was still going at it with the mother of that kid. Both of their heads were about to fall off.
When I walked out of the freak show I heard someone say, "EVERYBODY FREEZE!" Everybody gasped. The man that said it had a Spanish accent. "Hit the ground! If you have any weapons, hand 'em over to me!" He said. Three policemen that were attending the fundraiser tossed him their guns immediately. I looked at the man that had bursted into our carnical and noticed that he had a purple shirt, purple shorts, and mostly purple shoes. He had a soccer jersey on, and was about 5'9". "Okay. You Americans are very cooperative. If you weren't you'd all be dead right now." The man said. "Of course, that doesn't mean that you will not die. I have heard that Joe Mamma was here? Joe Mamma, please step forward." He said.
"Hey, just who do you think you are?" Somebody yelled.
"I am Yo Mamma." The man replied. "I have not seen Joe Mamma yet. I'm giving him five seconds. Five. Four. Three. Two..." He said. On two, Joe Mamma leaped from behind him and kicked him in the back. When Yo Mamma was on the ground, Joe Mamma walked up to him.
"So, Yo Mamma. You thought you'd put an end to my puttin' and end to you. It ain't gonna work." He said.
"AAAAAAAAH! I HATE YOU JOE MAMMA!" I heard somebody else yell. He started running up towards where the people were. He was a slightly overweight cop.
"Bo Mamma, you head of sheeet! You're supposed stay back there with the getaway car! I've got it all under control." Yo Mamma said.
"Why, Bo Mamma. It's you!" Joe Mamma said. Apparently he knew this cop that had just arrived at the scene.
"Yeah! It's me. And I'm going to put an end to you. You had to put me off that case, didn't you?" He said.
"Hm, Bo Mamma, You NYPD offica's have really gotta get yo' act down. I mean, first you shove dat plunger up Abna' Louima's ass, Then you shoot Amadu Diallu and now you be flippin' out and gangin' up wid' the biggest criminal in all of Guatemala! You guys are sad!" Joe Mamma said.
"I quit the NYPD. I want to be evil. I'm tired of helping people. I don't want to make the world a better place. I hate the world. I've hated the world ever since you threw me off that case, where we were looking for that crackdealing hacker and that murderer. So now the world's going to get some real hating," Bo Mamma said. Then he yelled, expecting Joe Mamma to jump and to catch him off guard, but Joe Mamma stood his ground. Bo Mamma rushed forward, expecting Joe Mamma to be off guard, but Joe Mamma took him by the arm, and hurled him just as far as Birdie had been hurling the kids before Yo Mamma came. While Joe Mamma had been focusing on Bo Mamma, Yo Mamma ran away.
"Ah! I'll get Yo Mamma later. Hey, you, Bwenabe, I'm taking you wid' me for some comic relief." Joe Mamma said.
"Where are you taking me?" I asked.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Joe Mamma laughed.
"What?" I asked.
"It's yo' voice! Man, dat voice sounds like a mix between Ross Perot, My grandmamma, and somebody else! Anyway, I'm takin' you wid' me on my case. I gotta get Yo Mamma." He said.
"Hmmmmmmm." I said.
"Bwenabe, why doesn't the whole GRQD come? We can go pick up a few more members in Guatemala, maybe." Birdie said.
"Oh, yeah. Dat's fine wid' me, cuz all of you be lookin' pretty freaky, and then I'll have even mo' comedy." Joe Mamma said.
"All right." I said, and Joe Mamma started laughing at my voice.
"Well, dis is what we gonna do. I gonna go get a car, and get ta Kennedy Airport fast. Then we'll find out when the plane for Guatemala is leavin', and we'll catch Yo Mamma." Joe Mamma said.
"Let's go get a car!" I said, and, as always, Joe Mamma started laughing at my voice.
"Okay. Hm. We gotta get a car that'll fit all a' us." Joe Mamma said.
"Oh, if only we could have that limo driving by over their." Trapezoid said about the biggest limosine I had ever seen.
"Whoa! HO! HO!" Joe Mamma yelled, and ran right into the path of the limo. The limo driver honked his horn, and stopped.
"Hey, wacko man, get out of my way," Said the driver in a Jamaican accent.
"No. You gotta run me over."
"Fine. Have eet you way." He said, and started driving at Joe Mamma. When it was about to hit Joe Mamma he lashed out with a kick and knocked the car back ten feet. "Let us in da car." He said.
"Oh, uh, fine, wacko man." The driver said.
"All a' yo GRQD people get in." He said. When we got in the car Joe Mamma said, "Yo, Mr. Driver, turn da radio off a' dis fucked up reggae shit, and turn it to Hot97."
"Look, eitha you do it, or I'll rip yo' dreadlocks out and strangle ya wid' 'em."
"Oh, fine. Hot97, you said." The driver turned it to Hot97.
"OH YEAH! Victory's on! Puffy kicks ass! Put yo' money on da table and getcha maff on, break it down, split it up, getcho laugh on..." Joe Mamma started saying.
"Oh, fine, wacko man! Here's my money, I'm putting it on the table, uh, how do I get my maff on? Uh, maffy maffy, okay? Maffy maffy. Uh, Okay, I'm breaking it down, uh, I'm splitting it up, here's your share, uh, and, laffy laffy! Ha ha ha! Uh, any other demands? I'll do anything, wacko man, just do not take my dreadlocks away from me," The driver started saying. Joe Mamma ignored him, and kept on reciting the Puff Daddy song. "Oh, and, wacko man, where do you want to go?" The driver asked. He still had a trace of fear left in his voice.
"Take me to Kennedy Airport." He said quickly, and then continued reciting the song.
When we reached Kennedy Airport we went to the information booth. "Excuse me, I'd like to find out when the next plane for Guatemala leaves." I said.
"Oh, that man over there," She pointed towards a man sitting on a bench, "Just asked me. I couldn't answer his question, so he went to another information booth. You can ask him. Maybe he found out." She said. We walked over there.
"Yo!" Joe Mamma said. The man looked up. "Whoa, mamma! You be Yo Mamma!" Joe Mamma exclaimed. He lashed out with a kick. It got Yo Mamma right in the nose. Then Yo Mamma ran for it. Joe Mamma ran after him. Yo Mamma started to run into the place where you board the plane, Joe Mamma still pursuing. The security guard asked Yo Mamma for a ticket. He got knocked out. We started following Joe Mamma. Joe Mamma attempted to tackle Yo Mamma, but fell an inch short because the other ticket-taker had eluded him while asking him for a ticket. We ran past him, and, since there were 18 of us, he almost got trampled. Yo Mamma got into the plane just before the door started closing. Birdie got to the door just before it closed. He stuck the middle finger on his head below the door, and tore it right out of it's hinges. I ran in, and dove to tackle Yo Mamma. He jumped. Birdie ran towards him, but Yo Mamma knocked him down, as he did to the other 16 members of the GRQD. Joe Mamma was still on the floor, and Yo Mamma was running by. Joe Mamma shot his foot up when Yo Mamma ran over him, and sent him sprawling. I ran over to a phone and dialed 911. When Yo Mamma woke up he was in jail.
The day Yo Mamma was put in jail was the day the GRQD made it's biggest jump forward. Alvaro Arzu Irigoyen, the president of Guatemala, gave us 6,080,000 Quetzals, which is equal to $1,000,000. The reason he gave it to us and not to Joe Mamma is because Joe Mamma had gone to Guatemala a couple of months ago to help put Yo Mamma in jail, and, not being fluent in Spanish, he got the masculine and feminine stuff mixed up. The people were so offended that he almost lost his head. After Yo Mamma was caught the GRQD made a lot of other big jumps. Cribbia starred as a sort of stunt man in movies. The movie was the biggest selling movie of 2001, and it was called "Don't Take Your Eyes Out of Their Sockets One to Many Times!" He came in whenever an eye removal was needed. Wawajawa started a roller coaster company. Bud became a major leaguer, and signed a contract with six zeroes. Horraro became a professional boxer, and almost became the next Mike Tyson. I say almost because although he did go after a few ears, he was to short to reach 'em. Billi Banilli never quite recovered from the loss of that Milli Vanilli performer. He was in the asylum for the rest of his life. Snotto became a reporter. He made a great reporter because he never looked for the good stuff, only the bad, and that's what reporters do. Horrar, unfortuneately, was crushed by a baby cockroach. He moved into an apartment with cockroaches, and the cockroach got ticked off at him, and, well, now he's even shorter than he was. Trapezoid kept on being a kindergarten geometry teacher, and never changed. Homer Simpson, after his contract ran out, signed a new one. It had seven zeroes. Snooter became a human vacuum cleaner. Hoover made a fortune off of him. Morlana became a proffessional clown. Oh My became Mr. Nose's transport, and Mr. Nose became a hypnotist. Wooh Mamma became a model for WEIRDO'S Magazine. WEIRDO'S is an acrenim for Weird Ed's Insider for Retarded Dingbats or Screwballs. Kid Kelly, Ma$e and Puff Daddy kept their jobs. Of course, with that kind of success, the GRQD broke up to pursue careers of their own. Luckily for me, I ripped them off. When we split up the money, I secretly gave myself more than them. I told them that we only had $53,000,000 in the pot, which was total BS. We had $1,000,000,000! Hah! Serves them right for leaving the GRQD!