29I had moved so many times within the past two years, and I really hoped that we could actually make at least a semi-permanent home here, in our new house in Montana.
It wasn't leaving old friends behind, or moving from school to school that bothered me. No, it was far from that. I am just a sixteen year old boy, and having to come out of the closet to yet another school - this time in Montana - was something I just did not want to do. Yes, I said come out of the closet. In the past two years, I have stunned student body after student body of schools, with two small, simple words - "I'm gay."
Those words had sealed my fate in each school. I began to get used to the routine ridicule, teasing, and name calling that went along with those two words. This time would be different. I won't let myself make that same mistake. Nobody will find out until I find somebody that I know I can trust. Of course, that will take some time.
I had already had my first coule days of schooling here in Montana. People were nice. They tried their best to make me feel at home in this new environment. Everyone always greeted me warmly. I wonder how everyone would treat me if they knew the truth. Would they treat me just like everyone else had?
Over the days that quickly spread into weeks, I met many people who became good acquaintances, bot only a couple people actually became good friends. One of them was Nicole - who, like a lot of other girls at my school, had a huge crush on me. I always wondered why all these girls liked me so much.
"You've got those boyish good looks - the slightly messed messed up hairstyle, the dirty blonde hair, and the beautiful olive green eyes, a nice, athletic build to your nicely toned body.." Nicole had told me on the day that I asked her that very question. She had, during her description, let her voice quiver and trail off. I knew she was just thinking of what it would be like to have a chance with me.. but I also knew she knows that she will never get that chance - because she is the oly one in the school who knows my secret, who knows that I am gay.
My other good friend, Adam, hangs out with me every day at school. On the weekdays after school, we always enjoy walking home and having a nice conversation about how our day at school went. We had become closer and closer over the months, even close enough to stay the night at each other's houses every now and then After the first few weeks, I knew I was falling in love with him. I had never felt so strongly about any boy in my life, even though I have known I was gay since I was twelve. He had the most warm, caring brown eyes, was fairly tall, and you could tell he played a lot of sports, as he was slightly burly, but not big. To top all that off, he had chocolate-brown hair with blonde highlights. Every day we hung out together, every activity we participated in with each other, the more and more I fell head over heels for him. I secretly relished the nights that we spent at each other's houses, even doing the simplest things - watching television for example. I would write about all my thoughts and fantasies in a simple spiral binded notebook, which I would keep in a drawer underneath all of my pants in my bearuae. Page after page of that old tattered notebook would be dedicated to my thoughts about my best friend Adam -whom I now loved more than anything in the world. Of course, I never dared to tell him. I didn't know how he would react, and I surely did not want to lose the one love of my life. So, I swore to myself that I woud never say a word to him. The other other person who knew about my love for him was Nicole. Even after I made that promise to myself, the feelings I had been having for Adam were overwhelming, and seeing him every day, and not being able to tell him, was tearing me apart.
I recall now, as I lay here on my bed and think, the night two months ago, in which I went to Adam's house to stay the night. It was just like any other night that I had been there.. until the end of the evening when we were both getting ready for bed. Adam's parents were downstairs in the living room, watching TV. Adam had gone to take a shower before bed, and so I was lying on his bed, waiting for him. After a few moments, I heard his footsteps coming down the hallway. He opened his bedroom door, and walked in, wearing his usual boxer shorts and shirt for pajamas. I layed there, thinking about everything I had written in my notebook, and decided that I couldn't bear to hold my feelings in any longer.
"Adam, I have something I need to say" I managed to stutter.
"What?" he asked, curiously.
"Well.. I've been spending a lot of time with you ever since we met, and well, I have fallen in love with you." I spit out as fast as I could.
Adam's jaw dropped.
Oh no, I thought, he's gonna hate me.
"Oh god Adam I'm sorry I'll just go home." I said. I began to get up, but he jumped on the bed in front of me and placed the palm of his hand on my chest, slightly pushing me back.
"No, Randy, It's all right." He said.
"What?" Was all I could manage to say.
"I said it's all right. In fact, I have been waiting for the right time to tell you the same thing." He said.
I was too confused for words.
"Can-can you say that again please?" I asked.
"I am in love with you too, Randy." Adam said, smiling.
I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Adam was in love with me, just like I was in love with him! This was too good.
"You love me too?" I asked happily.
"Yes, I do, very much Randy." He answered.
We were both so happy, and in that instant, we moved closer together, and our lips pressed against each other in a long, passionate kiss. We both agreed that we did love each other very much, and pondered the possibility of making love. But, we both decided that niether of us was ready. We shared another warm kiss, only this time, I allowed him to slide his tongue into my mouth.
I'll never forget that night. adam, the love of my life, gave me my first kiss, and the first feeling of knowing that I was loved also. When we went to bed that night, we shared the same bed, cuddling up next to each other and wrapping ourselves into a little ball around each other to keep even more warm than the blankets were on that cold winter night.
Waking up next to Adam in bed in the morning was the most comforting feeling I had ever had in my life.
I will never forget it.