Why am I dying?

I feel like I'm deteriorating in mind and body, wasting away and crumbling down to my diseased core. I'm sick all the time and I'm so ugly that recently I don't even care what happens to me. I can't breath through my nose because of the blockage and constant dripping, I can't go 2 seconds without itching, sniffing, coughing, sneezing, cramping, shedding a tear, or bleeding on some part of my body.

I feel like the most unhealthy person on this planet, like I should have died a while ago but my body isn't dead yet. I'm gangly, pale, thin, bony, shaky, spasmic, dizzy, unstable, unbalanced, etcetera and why does everyone keep cheering me on? I'm not worth it – I won't be anything – nothing important or meaningful or beautiful or helpful – just a good for nothing, ugly girl who is in the way and probably pregnant with another failure.

My life will never have any meaning – it will amount to nothing and I'll be a failure for the rest of my short life.

Does he really love me? Would he die for me? Not that it would really make a difference, anyway; I'm going to die before him and he won't have to make that choice.

Bloodshot eyes, hair that doesn't cooperate, skin that is yellow, pale, cold, and scarred. A mind that lives in two worlds; two minds that live in the same world: reality and my personal calm unreality. The unreality where I really am me and not a cutsie, flirty, open, blunt, rebellion of a girl, but the real me: a calm, quiet, reserved, intelligent, and thoughtful girl. What happened to HER ? Layers and layers of fakeness got heaped on her and she only exists when I allow her to… God please help me through this…