In my sixteen years of living as Monica Evans, I began to question my own identity at around the time we made the transition to junior high. I could retain from my memories as a child that I was a happy kid. My twin sister Natalee and I, were recognized as the Evans twins. We basically shared an identity in those wonderful years of Barbies and cardboard boxes. Back then, I had Natalee at my side wherever I would go. Although I was a timid child, Natalee was my link to making friends. Natalee and I were inseparable. I would look upon other kids and feel sorry for them because they didn't have a twin to confide in. A best friend for life.
A best friend for life? Yeah right.
Junior High came along. Yes, Junior High, the time when everyone is struggling to fit in. Everyone wanted to be popular and well liked by everyone. I guess my baggy overalls and nerdy outer appearance didn't do much for me because I rocketed down the social charts. Natalee just kept soaring up. There was something about her that made everyone want to be her new best friend.
We were no longer the Evans twins. I was Monica, the shy, weird girl who played the tuba while Natalee was the beautiful brunette who everyone wanted to befriend. No longer was she my inseperable twin. She was the social butterfly who was too busy caught up in her world of popularity to even realize that here I was lonely. All alone.
I watch Natalee walk down the hall surrounded by a group of giggling girls, her hand around Tommy Deport's waist. Her long, wavy brown hair hangs loosely around her model look-alike face. I start to wave to her but they turn the corner on the opposite direction. I shrink back to my locker.
Maybe I was fed up of being ignored. Friendless. But something in my triggered. Everyone has been jealous at one point in their life. Maybe it's because someone has something that you can't afford and really want. Or when someone scores higher on an exam that you studied your ass off for. But the jealousy that boiled up from beneath me was a different type of jealousy. It was something I had never felt before. I was jealous of Natalee, my own flesh and blood in a way. I was jealous of Natalee's looks, her popularity, her friends, her boyfriend and the way she touched everyone she spoke to. I wanted my sister's life.
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