2************************************
"Madam I have no idea of what killed your daughter," the man doing the autopsy told the mourning mother "but I'll keep looking if you want me to."
"Would you?" Maria Taylor asked.
The man on the other end said he would and hung up. It had been three days since her daughter's death and Maria had been alone the majority of the time. Maria had nobody else next to Elizabeth. Elizabeth's father had left before she was born, and Maria had no other children. Her mother was flying in from Baltimore and her sister from Toronto, but being the holiday season they couldn't get flights until the next afternoon.
Maria began to wander around the house aimlessly and within a few minutes found herself in Elizabeth's room. Although it was painful she slowly began to gather Elizabeth's old things, placing them on the bed one by one, Elizabeth's toy elephant, which she received from her grandmother when she was born. The dresses, the drawings, the crayons and the macaroni necklaces were also placed on the bed. There was the large book of fairy tales. With it's bright illustrations Maria's sister had given the book to Elizabeth for her fifth and last birthday. Elizabeth loved that book, because it had to do with princesses. It was every five-year-old girl's dream to be a princess, and Elizabeth was no different. Maria had got the girl a princess dress and crown for Christmas and had hardly been able to contain her excitement of seeing Elizabeth's face when she opened this gift on the big day.
Then she found the emerald. Maria had completely forgotten about it. One of the paramedics must have picked it up and put it on the bookcase when he was removing Elizabeth's body. Out of everything she had found it Elizabeth's room so far this was the most painful. Maria didn't know why, she had never seen the emerald before the day Elizabeth died. Maria set the emerald back on the bookshelf, and within five minutes had forgotten about it.
Maria sat rigidly at the airport the next day, acting as though everything were normal. She began to go into a trance as she waited. Both her sister and her mother's flights were delayed due to the holiday rush and the wait was long. What would life without Elizabeth be like? She would have a chance to be single, with nobody to hold her down. That is what Maria wanted when she was a teenager, not a child, at least not until Elizabeth was born. Maria had gotten pregnant within a month of starting college and ended up dropping out. She had never lived by herself for more than a month. What was it like? Not to be tied down. It must be really lonely. No little girl crying "mommy" when Maria went to pick her up from daycare. No more playing at the playground on weekend afternoons. No more figure painting or arts and crafts. Life would be boring.
Then Maria began to feel as though her life wasn't worth living any more. Nobody needed her. She had nobody. Why had Elizabeth been taken from her? Would she ever know what killed Elizabeth? Maria doubted it. After four days why would anybody be able to determine the cause of death? Something did kill Elizabeth and Maria decided she was going to find out what it was.
When her mother and sister's planes arrived and Maria moved from the waiting area toward s the arrival gates. Afterward Maria didn't remember much of the rest of the day. Her mother and sister greeted her with an abundance of sympathy that made Maria feel uncomfortable. Her mother never greeted her without finding something to criticize, and Maria's sister always teased endlessly. That day there was none of that, just the horrible sympathy. It wasn't like they hadn't just lost a relative either. Maria her mother and sister got in the car and with Maria's mother driving went home.
The next couple of days passed the same way. Maria's mother insisted on receiving guests, each in turn came to express their deep sympathy. Then there was the funeral. A nice small ceremony, which Maria liked, but along with the funereal Maria knew she would never find the cause of Elizabeth's death. Christmas came and went in a blur. It didn't really seem like Christmas without Elizabeth. Maria had returned Elizabeth's presents, when asked for the reason of the return she snapped at the sales clerk and told her it was none of her business.
After Christmas life went on and Maria's mother and sister went home. Maria began drifting away from her friends. Most were mothers and the stories about their children were unbearable. Soon life became a dreadful pattern. Wake up, go to work, and work all day plus long hours of overtime, arrive home and sit in front of the TV until she fell asleep.
Maria was depressed all the time now, and many times contemplated suicide. Her daughter was dead, she had no friends, and her closest family was on the other side of the continent. They said she could move in with them but that would feel like intruding. Yet having someone to talk to would be nice Maria often thought. That was other than her boss, because despite the long hours Maria's work had gotten worse.
One day Maria decided she wasn't going to work late, she wasn't going to go home and sit in front of the TV until she fell asleep, but was going to try going out. She went to a new club downtown. It wasn't quite as sophisticated as the promos had said. In fact it was nowhere close. The location, which had opened just a month earlier, looked like one of those old run down bars in the movies. Everything was dirty and smoky. It was only seven o'clock but several people were already seriously drunk. Well this is what she wanted Maria reminded her self, and sat down at the bar and ordered a drink, then another and another. Life began to seem perfect again. Everything was hazy, but perfect. For the first time since Elizabeth's death Maria felt great and not sorry for herself. That was a big change.
"I should do this more often," Maria said aloud, not fully meaning to.
"What?" the man next to her asked a little suspiciously.
"Forget that my five year old is dead and I have nobody. Forget how much my life sucks," Maria told him. Then she got up and left to bar.
Outside the night had cooled off and it was snowing. Maria walked along the sidewalk, and as the cold air began to clear her head she began thinking about her life. Until a couple of minutes ago she hadn't admitted to herself that her life sucked. Working, then watching TV, all day, everyday. What kind of life was that? It did suck. Maria was now walking over a bridge, and without thinking climbed up onto one of the supports. The river wasn't completely frozen over and was running rather quickly. Maria couldn't swim and without completely knowing it she had decided this was how she was going to kill herself.
"My life isn't worth living!" Maria screamed just before she jumped over the bridge.
Maria awoke in a hospital bed and thought about why she was there. Then she remembered what she had done. Why am I alive? Wasn't I supposed to die when I jumped off that bridge? Then a nurse walked into the room.
" Good you're awake," the nurse commented. "Maybe you can clear up a couple of we have."
Maria was then forced to answer a series of questions, including who she was, and what she was doing in the river. In the end Maria told the nurse everything. Then it was decided that Maria should take grief counselling to avoid a repeat of the previous night's events. Maria spent the next two weeks living in the hospital and attending counselling.
When she finally was permitted to go home Maria was glad. That was until she checked her answering machine. There was a message from her boss saying that since Maria's job was so important to the company and she had been slacking off, then missing two weeks she was fired. Right when she believed maybe she could go on with her life she was fired, now what could she do.
Maria found a job a week later, it wasn't near as good as her previous job, but life for her began to go up hill again. That was when Maria decided to clean out Elizabeth's room. Everything was how she left it. The items on the bed, the clothes in the dresser, the books on the bookcase, and there was the emerald. Maria had completely forgotten about it again. Maybe she could sell the emerald and go on a nice long holiday. She needed that. Maria picked up the emerald and slowly turned it over in her hand. She dropped it in surprise. It was weird, and hard to explain. Elizabeth was in the stone. Somehow Elizabeth had gotten into the stone. I didn't seem possible but Maria could see her. That must be why nobody could determine why Elizabeth had died, because she wasn't dead. Elizabeth wasn't in this world but another.
Maria watched her daughter the next day and the next at in another world. Careful not to be drawn in too deep, she could watch Elizabeth go about her new life. This small emerald held Maria's life together over the next few years. She carried it wherever she went. This small stone, so insignificant in life meant so much to Maria.