school starts today and i haven't slept yet.
12:42a.m.
merry thursday, everybody.
i am thinking about alex. wondering if i hurt him,
wondering if i shouldn't have told him what i've
done, wondering if i should have kept it a secret.
i hate secrets.
and i never cared much for keeping things to myself.
there is no such thing as "too personal" for me..
but maybe i've got to learn for real what "too
personal" means. everything's just one big blob.

it felt like little things were stinging my inner
thighs an hour ago. but it's gone now. nobody's
awake. everyone's getting rested for the first
day of school tomorrow.

why can't i be everyone?

why can't i be someone else?

i don't mean to sound ungrateful for what i have or
unhappy to be who i am.
i like being me, for the most part.
i just want for one day..one week to be someone else.
i don't need to be someone better than me, or even
someone happier.
not someone prettier or smarter or funnier. it
doesn't matter. just someone DIFFERENT. just to
see what it's like.

does anyone else want that?

i want to tell alex something, but i don't know
what he'd think.
it's a big something.
nothing about things i've done with sam.
nothing about things i've done .period.
just something about me that i'm not sure how to tell
him. or anyone for that matter.
sam knows.
*sigh* sam knows.

goodnight everyone, merry thursday.