Taf: And I'm Tafadhali!
Merc: Shut up! This is MY intro. *smile* Welcome to the first ever episode of
"Roseview Saga"! Do not be fooled by the summary; you have missed nothing.
Taf: We only started the story in sophomore year because we felt like it!
Merc: Okay, you just gave away their ages.
Merc: Soooo, we should start the story before we explain the entire first arc!
Taf: Sounds good to me.
DISCLAIMER: We own it. We own it all. All of it, you hear?!
Episode 1: Prologue to Disaster
The Roseview Academy was a very unique school indeed. A pair of midgets
from Japan originally built it in 1817. They were the finest architects of their
time, but sadly, history has forgotten them. As they tended to build things at
half-scale, it took until 1856 before the school was finally completed. The first
headmaster was Kinomoto Roseview, who was Japanese, but enjoyed sounding
French. He quickly set the school's high standards of excellence. For the past
146 years the school has produced clear minded, intelligent, and well-adjusted
young people, as well as numerous schizophrenics.
* * *
Melissa yawned from her perch on the low brick wall. Her flight from Italy had
arrived at an obscenely late hour the night before, and she was exhausted.
Nevertheless, she endeavored to enter Roseview Academy that morning, even
if she didn't know them.
"Hey, Stephanie! How've you been?"
"Eric! Long time no see! Catch you later!"
"Hi, are you new? My name's Melissa, nice to meet you!"
She caught sight of her good friend, Juliet, and hurried over to meet her.
* * *
Juliet grinned as she saw Melissa's cheerful face coming towards her.
"Hey Mel!" she said, "How was your summer?"
"It was wonderful!" Melissa said, "But I'm glad to be back."
"Yeah, me too, I guess," Juliet agreed.
Melissa gave Juliet a big hug, which surprisingly enough, Juliet did not seem to
mind. Normally Juliet wasn't a hugging person.
"It really is good to be back," Juliet said with a smile.
Melissa nodded, but seemed distracted.
"I'm sorry, Jules," she said, "but I see a new kid. I have to go make them feel
"Sure, Mel," she said, sounding slightly weirded out, "Anyway, there's Mark.
Come see us when you're done!"
Melissa nodded and ran over to greet the new kid.
* * *
Mark slammed the car door and walked away without saying good-bye to his
mother. She had made him wear a suit. A suit. And it was a nice suit, too.
Juliet's taunting interrupted his melancholy sulking.
"Shut up, Greene," he growled.
Juliet poked Mark in the shoulder.
"I missed you," she said pointedly.
"Yeah, I missed you too," Mark grumbled.
With that, Mark proceeded to systematically destroy his outfit. He loosened his
tie, unbuttoned his sleeves and the top button of his shirt, and scuffed up his
shoes. Juliet sat down to watch.
"Here, Juliet," he said, "Have my tie."
"Why, thank you," Juliet replied, shooting Mark a strange look.
Mark had just pulled out a pocketknife and was about to go to work on his
trousers when Melissa came over.
"Hi guys! I'm sorry, but I just had to go and make sure that Georgiana felt
comfortable and well-adjusted in her new environment!"
Juliet rolled her eyes. There were some things about Melissa that she did not
"Oh, Mark, what a nice suit, is it new?"
"Shut up and help me slash the pants," Mark snapped.
"And while you're at it, take this tie!" said Juliet perkily.
Melissa blinked. "Okay . . ."
A loud argument interrupted Mark's decimation of his clothing.
" I don't want to, Benny! They'll laugh at us!"
"Hey, isn't that Benny and Jack?" asked Melissa.
Mark and Juliet nodded.
"I don't want her to laugh at us!" cried Jack.
"Don't be a baby, Jack. We went through all this in the summer," said Benny in
an annoyed voice, "I thought you had gotten over it."
At this point Melissa, Mark, and Juliet had walked up to their friends.
"Gotten over what?" asked Juliet nosily.
Jack jumped in startled surprise. "Have you guys been listening to our
conversation?" he demanded.
"Just long enough to be curious," she replied impishly.
Cautiously, Benny began. "We have something to tell you guys. . ."
"Well. . ."
"C'mon, Benny, you can tell us anything," Melissa said encouragingly.
"I think it would be easier to show you with a flashback. . ." Benny said.
Jack and Benny are sitting on the sofa, playing video games.
"Aha!" Jack cries, "Jack's Super Special Double Kick PUNCH!"
"I win," Benny says calmly.
"Are you going somewhere with this?" Mark asked impatiently.
"Just watch," Benny instructed.
"Benny?" Jack says.
"Ummm. . ."
"If I were to. . ." Jack begins.
He leans over and lightly kisses Benny on the lips.
"Would you. . .mind?"
"No," Benny says softly, "Not at all."
"Awwwww!" Melissa cooed. "That's so cute!"
Juliet sniggered. Jack, blushing furiously, hit her over the head.
"So. . .you guys are going out?" Mark asked Benny. Benny nodded. "Oh." He
went back to destroying his pants.
"Oh, this is TOO good," Juliet crowed, "I always KNEW you two had a thing
for each other!"
"Oh, I'm just so happy for you!" Melissa said, thereby preventing Juliet from
getting into too much trouble. She gave Jack a big hug. "Here, have this tie!"
Jack blinked. "Uh, thanks Mel," he said.
"So, you guys really don't have a problem with this?" Jack continued.
"No, duh," Juliet replied. "All that anti-homosexual stuff should stay back in
the Dark Ages, where it belongs."
"If you want, we can talk more about this later," Melissa said warmly, "but. . . I
see a new kid. See you later!"
* * *
The first assembly of the year is always chaotic. The students of Roseview
were quiet at first, but as the assembly failed to commence, they began to talk
amongst themselves. Their chatter grew louder and louder, until the entire
auditorium was filled with the low buzzing sound of hundreds of voices all
speaking at once. So wrapped up in their conversations were they, that the
students almost failed to notice the young, fair-haired, man who was standing at
"Excuse me. Excuuuuse me! THE BUILDING IS ON FIRE!"
All conversation ceased.
The man at the podium smiled. "Thank you," he said calmly.
"Hello students and welcome back to Roseview Academy. Due to the tragic
passing of your former headmaster, Mr. N. Cognito, I, Dr. Judas Huxley, will
be taking his place."
The students eyed him warily.
"I like his name," whispered Mark, to Benny.
"Now, I understand that, as students, it is not only your God-given right, but
your sworn duty to be suspicious of new heads."
There were a few "yups" and "amen's" from the student body.
"But I want to assure you that we are all on the same side. Allow me to
Dr. Huxley pulled out an elaborate chart. Everyone "oohed" and "aahed."
"This is you, the student body," Dr. Huxley explained, pointing at a mass of
stick figures. "And this is me, your fearless leader."
He gestured towards a larger stick figure standing on it's own.
"Both of us have adversaries. Yours are your teachers."
This brought some applause from the students. The faculty glowered at Huxley
from the back of the room. He paid them no attention.
"Yes, your teachers. Always on your cases. Do your homework. Go to class.
Eat with a fork and knife!"
"FUCK THE CUTLERY!"
"Now THERE'S an idea," Juliet said enthusiastically.
"Th-Thank you, Miss Greene," Dr. Huxley said in a loud frightened voice. He
regained his composure somewhat and continued with his presentation.
"Anyway, where you guys have teachers, I have the Board of Directors."
Huxley pointed to a small picture of a group of sharks, cut out from a
"These guys are always on my. . .tail. 'Make sure the students get good grades,
make sure the students conform, make sure to brush your teeth!'"
"Actually, that last one probably wasn't the Board of Directors. But you get the
picture! And THAT'S why I'm going to make a deal with you."
Everyone sat up a little straighter.
"You guys can do whatever you want. . ."
There was thunderous applause—
". . .on ONE condition."
- which abruptly died.
"Whenever the Board members are around, you need to behave. You know,
obey the rules?"
Everyone nodded; this was sounding pretty good to them.
"Good, good," Dr. Huxley said. "We'll have a sort of 'I scratch your back, you
scratch mine' relationship. That's what makes this school great."
"Anarchy?" someone yelled.
"Cooperation," Huxley clarified.
He gave the podium a solid thump to indicate that the assembly was over. The
podium collapsed at his feet, with a tremendous crash. Everyone gasped in
"Cool," Mark said.
* * *
"Oooh, Benny, we share a dorm room!" said Jack, reading the dorm
"There are only three," Mark pointed out.
"Which dorm are you in, Mark?" asked Benny.
"The middle one."
"Ooh. . ." exclaimed Jack, "You're in. . .Rosenthal Terrace!"
"That's what I said. The middle one," replied Mark tersely.
"We're in Hyacinthus Hall," Jack said, positively beaming.
" I'm so very sorry for you," said Mark sincerely.
Juliet walked in, sipping a cold soda.
"Hi Juliet," all three boys said simultaneously. They gave each other odd looks.
"Soooo. . .what dorms are you guys in? Mel and I are in Snapdragon Wing."
"I'm in the middle one," Mark said, purposefully avoiding using its full title.
"Rosenthal Terrace? Smashing good," teased Juliet.
"Shut up, Greene," muttered Mark through gritted teeth.
"Touchy, touchy," said Juliet smirking. "So, what about you?" she continued,
gesturing to Jack and Benny.
"We're in Hyacinthus Hall," answered Benny.
"TOGETHER!" shouted Jack, joyfully.
"You poor dears," sympathized Juliet.
Benny frowned. "I don't get it. What's so bad about that name?"
Juliet looked at Mark. " You mean you didn't tell them the story?"
"Well, I suppose I'll have to enlighten them then.
" So, back in Ancient Greece, there was this really hot guy named Hyacinthus."
"The objective Greek myth," interrupted Mark, sarcastically.
" Do you MIND? Anyway, he and Apollo were screwing. . ."
"That's one way of putting it."
". . .(Shut up, Mark!). . .but Zephyrus also wanted Hycinthus. Sexually. With
me, so far?"
"Um, who's Zephyrus?" asked Jack.
"The God of the West Wind. So, he's all jealous of Apollo and decides to do
something about it. Finally, he gets his chance. One day, Apollo and Hy are
playing discus and Zephyrus ruins their game by changing the wind so that
Hyacinthus' head is cut off. His blood stains some lilies purple, so Apollo
names them Hyacinths. Zephyrus is. . ."
"A damned fool," Mark interrupted, " I had such respect for him and then he
went and killed Hyacinthus! He destroyed Apollo's happiness and. . ."
"Are you aware you're still talking?" inquired Juliet.
"I'll shut up now."
"Ummm. . .not to switch the subject, but. . .does this mean that Jack and I live
in a dorm named after a dead gay guy?" Benny asked, looking slightly
Juliet nodded. "Yeah. I think they're trying to jinx you."
Jack looked confused. "But. . .no one knows that we're gay."
"Well, now that Melissa knows, the whole school probably will have found out
by tomorrow," said Juliet.
"That girl cannot keep secrets," added Mark.
"But. . .she promised."
"You poor, pathetic fools," condescended Juliet.
Jack and Benny looked at each other and ran off to find Melissa.
Juliet shook her head despairingly.
To be continued. . .
Taf: Yay! My turn to do the A/N! So…how'd you all enjoy the first episode of
"Roseview Saga"? Why was Melissa in so little of this episode? What's up
with Dr. Huxley's name? Will the Greek myth have anything to do with the
plot? These questions and many more will NOT be answered in the next
episode! See you next week!