My Painted Portrait

Written By: Kayla

A/N I write on true base events and some just for fun, but mostly true base stories. Please enjoy this piece. Names to protect the innocent.

Call me Michelle; I am a normal teenager just like you. My age is different maybe a few years young or older. One morning some day ago last I looked at myself in the mirror, " Who am I?" I asked the innocent girl starring back at me. I looked young and fragile my life just blossomed and I was not yet ready to face the fact that I will be soon growing up. My brown eyes starred back at me unaware and unsure what my destiny had in store for me.

I feel so old, like I have matured more then my years. I am independent and sometimes like to be alone. My matures made me to realize the small facts about life. While some people still stair at their own reflection. Still asking the same question as I did. I am going to take you back six years ago. Writing was my way to escape in life. To control my sudden out burst of anger. I looked normal just like any normal preteen, I felt utterly alone I only had one friend Rachel. For some reason I never got too close to her and I am still not this day. I was yearning for just one friend to share my problems to. I come from a home of alcoholics both of my parents are; fights would accrue on a normal daily bases. They never hurt me words can speaker louder. After having their quails they will go to bed and sleep it off. The next morning they would wake up at the crack of dawn. I felt like I was trapped between the living and the dead.

To most people I had what you called a normal life everyone was clueless to my home life. Which I like it that way, I kept on having these recurrent dreams for months I didn't know what they where. I asked my friend what they meant and she thought it was someone trying to contact me. I laughed at her and told her she was nuts sure I am supersition but now that was way off.

My freshmen high school days weren't much better then my junior high school. I was still alone with no one to talk to I have not made any attempt to make a friend. I started to cut myself on a normal bases not too deep at first. Nothing in my life seemed to make any sense, ' Why was I born?' I did not even know that answer. I spent countless hours one night I knew if I was going to commit suicide I would do it and get it over with it.

The next night, when I was upstairs listening to my depressing music I was listening to my parents fight. I had tears coming from my stressed eyes; I sat on my bed writing a note a suicide note. I scribbled on a white sheet of paper,

Dear Mom and dad,

I want to say I love you very much. More then you tried to love me. I heard the countless fights every night. I figured well you wouldn't notice me if I am not awake the next morning. Life is special but what's the point if you cannot give use my life to a better use. I am sorry really but this world is too big for me.

I ended the letter short and said if I was going to do it I am going to do it now. My parents had gone to sleep like they do every night after their fights. I slowly went downstairs and made myself an alcoholic beverage and grabbed two small bottles of aspirin. It had been hours since then and I was now drunk and already had 100 aspirin tablets. Actually it was one hour since I had went downstairs. I was almost done with one bottle but I ran out I was completely dizzy I was searching for the second bottle when I knew I could not move. I was on the floor crawling to try to look for the other bottle. My eyes slowly collapsed and I was down on the floor. My room was now completely covered by the darkness, which I had created; I was now in a room with no light and with no furniture I was walking a little ways from where I was standing. I heard a fainted voice calling me. " Michelle," it said a whisper husky voice said. It paused " I know you have been waiting for a long time to come here what path would you like to take?" He asked me. I looked towards the light that was so bright but then I look behind me I took one step, towards the light but something shushed me to go towards the dark. And I chosen the dark.

I had woken up since I did not eat before I had taken the pills I woke up throwing up. The green fluid haunts my mind till the day. The rest of the day I was throwing up green fluid. I don't know if fate was on my side. Or was it I wasn't ready to die. -My name is Michelle I am a live and well I think about the brightest things in life now. I have a wonderful boyfriend who treats me well. He's sweet and caring and understanding.

How did I stop myself from depression? The answer is look inside you.

A/N let me say that it has been terrifying to have images of me cutting myself so that it leaves a mark. I was really serious about killing myself. I have marks of scares on my wrist where the veins are. I told my parents about trying to kill myself and they helped me deal with it. I had changed my name to Michelle in this story to protect the innocent. LoL ~ Take care and remember please if you need help ask your parents or a close friend.