Introduction to Extraversion
Some days you want to hang out by yourself, not answer the phone, and make the world go away. The next day you e-mail everyone, schedule lunch with a friend, and try to find an evening gathering to take part in. It may be the phases of the moon, or something you ate; some days are just like that. In actuality, your desire to be with others or to be alone reflects something deep in your personality. Some of us are more comfortable by ourselves or with one or two friends, while others of us crave the crowd and can't stand it when the house is empty or the phone doesn't ring. The following paragraphs describe your fundamental desires about being with other people; whether you are generally an outgoing person or more reserved, if you seek adventures with others, if you tend toward assertiveness or kindness.
You are quiet and reserved to the extent that others might think of you as a solitary person. They may be right in some ways - there are plenty of times when you prefer your own company to most social gatherings. You'd rather be alone with a good book and an evening of leisure than at a party or a committee meeting or in the crowds at the mall.
Others seem to enjoy the free flow of spontaneous conversations and group discussion more than do you. You like to think things through for yourself then offer up your opinions in measured and deliberate ways. And even when you are in conversations with others, you are cautious and guarded with others. You don't have a lot of interest in participating in larger groups like parties, committees and crowds, and you don't like the spotlight. You might even dread mandatory social events, such as office gatherings at holidays. You speak up when you have something to contribute to the conversation but you don't speak just to hear yourself talking. In most social circumstances you meet your obligations and then you look forward to getting back to your routine; where you find your deepest satisfaction.
Your social circle is probably not very large - you may have several close friends. You probably enjoy quieter social activities, maybe sharing meals or small gatherings with them. And even with your friends you may he somewhat guarded; you open up, but slowly, and share yourself, but in a slow and careful way. You want and need to be close to these people, but you take your time; you share yourself with them albeit cautiously at first.
You may run into some social problems with certain people. They may see your deliberate style as aloof. Because these people are more gregarious, they may want and expect you to participate in social situations that you do not really enjoy. Their frustration with you may grow into irritation, as if your distance and guardedness is about them, when you know well that's it's not about them, it's just who you are. Since they work or live with you, they may know that you are smarter and deeper and more interesting than you show yourself to be. They may want to know more of you, and try to communicate with you, but are frustrated by the wall you live behind. But that's where you're comfortable, so most of the time both you and they will have to live with their frustrations.
As people who get close to you become accustomed to you and your reserved ways, they likely find you a pleasure to be with. You may not talk much, but you could be witty, a very good listener and a great friend. So long as they can allow you your cautious style, they could open up to you and find you to be someone they can trust as a thoughtful, steady friend. Also, as they learn that your aloofness hides a thoughtful and lively mind and a wealth of experience, they may ask you personal questions about life? of both theirs and yours. At first, of course, this may be uncomfortable for you, and it may never become one of your favorite experiences. But with a few friends that you learn to trust, who learn to trust and care for you, you may come to engage in more lively and animated conversations. In these situations with these certain people, both you and they will learn to be at ease with the fact that you are a very quiet and reserved person.