One day an old man walked up to the gates of the White House. The Marine Guard on duty asked him what he wanted there. "I want to see President Kerry." The old man said.

"Sorry, Sir." The Marine said. "John Kerry is not the President." The old man left. The next day the old man returned and said again that he wanted to see President Kerry. Again the Marine told him that John Kerry wasn't the President and the old man left. This went on for three more days, with the old man and the Marine repeating the same conversation.

On the fifth day the Marine said: "Look, Old Man. Every day you come here and ask to see President Kerry and I tell you the same thing! What is it about 'John Kerry is not the President' that you don't understand?"

The old man smiled and said: "Oh, I understand. I just like hearing it."

The Marine stood silent for a minute, then saluted the old man and said: "See you tomorrow, Sir."

--John Clark, as he sends a group of Environmentalist Whacko Terrorists butt-nekkid into a South American jungle after they tried to "Save the Earth" by killing most of the people on it, Rainbow Six

"That's no miracle. That's American Seamanship!"

--American Naval Officer commenting to a European one after the Liberty ship Sea Witch sails into Murmansk, having survived numerous attacks from a German Wolf Pack, Action in the North Atlantic

"I don't wanna be a Captain! I wanna make a phone call!"

--US Marine Corps Aviator Shane Vansen, desperate to talk to her sister back on Earth, upon hearing she's promoted, Space: Above and Beyond

"Give my regards to King Tut, a--hole!"

--Colonel Jack O'Neill, just before he uses Anubis's jewel control to behead him with the transport rings, Stargate

"Would a spy pee himself, man??!"

--A panicked Simon the Used Car Dealer, in the process of doing just that as he faces down a ticked off Harry Tasker brandishing a "real" gun, True Lies

"Hey guys...my door ain't workin'. I think we better rethink this thing!"

--Inmate at the prison colony, trying to implement Ripley's plan to capture and kill the Alien, Alien3

"We haven't found Saddam Hussein yet either. Nobody's runnin' around tellin' everybody HE doesn't exist."

--United States Secretary of Defense Donald "Rummy" Rumsfeld when asked yet another stupid question about Iraqi Weapons of Mass Destruction.

"Somebody has to get rich to get this economy moving! Why NOT me??

--Rush Limbaugh, The Way Things Ought To Be

"I think you're fixated on the idea that there are some people who are just merely stupid that call themselves 'liberal'. So yes, there are some people who are merely stupid."

--Ann Coulter, responding to Sean Hannity's assertion that she never said all liberals are treasonous in her new book Treason, Hannity and Colmes

"And finally, if you're gonna go to war, don't give a specific reason for it that the left can come around and beat us over the head with ad nauseum. Just do it! The first rule of Fight Club is: 'You don't talk about Fight Club'!"

--Dennis Miller, on his inaugural night as a Fox News Channel commentator, Hannity and Colmes

"It was a little thing called the American Revolution. They had thousands of soldiers in nice uniforms with rifles and we had a few dirt farmers with pitchforks and we beat 'em like a drum."

--Roy O'Bannon explaining the Revolution to Chong Wang in London, Shanghai Knights

"The spread of freedom is the best security for the free. It is our last line of defense and our first line of attack."

--UK Prime Minister Tony Blair, addressing the US Congress.

"As long as human beings are imperfect, there will always be arguments for extending the power of government to deal with these imperfections. The only logical stopping place is totalitarianism -- unless we realize that tolerating imperfections is the price of freedom."

--Thomas Sowell, author of Conquest And Culture

"In forty-nine years he answers one prayer and THIS IS IT??"

--Archie Bunker, responding to Edith's assertion that the Good Lord answered his prayer for a son by bringing the Meathead into his life, All in The Family

"There will always be poor people. This is not the fault of the rich."

--Rush Limbaugh, "35 Undeniable Truths of Life" (Vol. 1, #33 & 34)

"Fifteen Hundred years ago everybody knew that the Earth was the center of the Universe. Five hundred years ago everybody knew that the Earth was flat. And 15 minutes ago you knew that people were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow."

--Agent K describing the nature of the job to the future Agent J, Men In Black

"Contemplate the mangled bodies of your countrymen, and then say, 'What should be the reward of such sacrifices?' Bid us and our posterity bow the knee, supplicate the friendship, and plough, and sow, and reap, to glut the avarice of men who have let loose on us the dogs of war to riot in our blood and hunt us from the face of the Earth? If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animating contest of freedom, go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen!"

--Samuel Adams

"It is the madness of folly, to expect mercy from those who have
refused to do justice; and even mercy, where conquest is the
object, is only a trick of war; the cunning of the fox is as
murderous as the violence of the wolf."

--Thomas Paine

"...if you’re such a complete zipper-head that you cannot maneuver your way around a chad, then guess what? I don’t want you to vote because you’ll vote stupid and I’m not talking about run of the mill stupidity here either. I’m talking about weapon-grade stupidity."

--Dennis Miller, commenting on the California Recall Election, Hannity and Colmes

"Oh no, Dan, we're beyond 'screwed'. We're so far beyond 'screwed' that the LIGHT from 'screwed' will take a thousand years to reach us."

--Roseanne Connor to Dan after they were scammed in a real estate deal, Roseanne

"We have it in our power to begin the world over again."

--Thomas Paine

"President Bush is an especially appealing target for European scorn, since he's the least European U.S. President since Andrew Jackson. Bush speaks awkwardly, but acts powerfully. The European ideal is a politician who speaks beautifully and does nothing."

"Why Iraq? Because it was doable, while North Korea isn't. Because we bore a special responsibility, due to our bygone support for the Baghdad regime. Because Saddam had launched wars of aggression unmatched by other contemporary dictators. Because he DID seek weapons of mass destruction. Because the situation in Iraq continued to worsen. And because you have to start somewhere.
No coward has ever been short of good reasons for doing nothing."

"We aren't trapped in a quagmire in Iraq. But the European left IS trapped in a quagmire of failure, mendacity and guilt."

From George W. Bush, STILL 43rd President of the United States:

"Freedom is not America's gift to the World. It is The Almighty's gift to the people of the World."

"America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our people."

More From Ann Coulter:

"At least when right-wingers rant, there's a point."

"Why not go to war just for oil? We need oil. What do Hollywood celebrities imagine fuels their private jets? How do they think their cocaine is delivered to them?"

"Isn't that just like a liberal? The chair-warmer describes Bush as a cowboy and Rumsfeld as his gunslinger - but the black chick is a dummy. Maybe even as dumb as Clarence Thomas! Perhaps someday liberals could map out the relative intelligence of various black government officials for us."

"You know, writers in general are notoriously bad verbal tellers of stories. We do much, much better behind a typewriter."

--Rod Serling, creator of Twilight Zone

"Life is a struggle for survival, for success, and for dominance. Life is war. It is an economic war. A political war. A social war. And a personal war."

--Richard Marcinko, Leadership Secrets of the Rogue Warrior

"Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect every one who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are inevitably ruined."

--Patrick Henry

"If the battle for civilization comes down to the wimps versus the barbarians, the barbarians are going to win."

"Considering how often throughout history even intelligent people have been proved to be wrong, it is amazing that there are still people who are convinced that the only reason anyone could possibly say something different from what they believe is stupidity or dishonesty."

"The fraudulence of the left's concern about poverty is exposed by their utter lack of interest in ways of increasing the nation's wealth. Wealth is the only thing that can cure poverty. The reason there is less poverty today is not because the poor got a bigger slice of the pie but because the whole pie got a lot bigger — no thanks to the left."

"It would be devastating to the egos of the intelligentsia to realize, much less admit, that businesses have done more to reduce poverty than all the intellectuals put together. Ultimately it is only wealth that can reduce poverty and most of the intelligentsia have no interest whatever in finding out what actions and policies increase the national wealth."

"Each State, in ratifying the Constitution, is considered as a sovereign body, independent of all others, and only to be bound by its own voluntary act. In this relation, then, the new Constitution will, if established, be a FEDERAL, and not a NATIONAL constitution."

--James Madison, Federalist No. 39

"Are you scared? Don't be. If they could get a washing machine to fly, my Jimmy could land it."

--Blanche Lovell, comforting her son Commander Jim Lovell's little daughter, Apollo 13

"Are you boys in the space program too?"

--Blanche Lovell, on meeting Neil Armstrong and "Buzz" Aldrin, Apollo 13

"Carter...I can see MY HOUSE!"

--Col. Jack O'Neill, urging Major Samantha Carter to work faster as the asteroid they're on rapidly approaches Earth, Stargate SG-1

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States when men were free."

--Ronald Wilson Reagan, 40th President of the United States

"The civil rights struggle is over, and it has been won. At one time, black Americans did not have the same constitutional protections as whites. Now, we do, because the civil rights struggle is over and won is not the same as saying that there are not major problems for a large segment of the black community. What it does say is that they're not civil rights problems, and to act as if they are leads to a serious misallocation of resources."

--Walter Williams, Economist and Commentator