2High School Memories Please don't read if you're looking for happy, heart-warming memories! My high school years were tough, but it wasn't the other kids. It was my father's health problems that got me down. Here's how I wish I'd dealt with things instead of keeping everything bottled up inside! Rated T for anger, pain and sadness.

1Low Down Blues and Other Poems This is very bad poetry in the style of Langston Hughes. Rated T for adult themes and some sexual references. Please comment nicely!

1 The Red Velvet Couch The seductive spell of power and money combined with the sensual allure of a sophisticated older woman is too much for one young man to handle! Rated T for adult themes and implied sex.

1Tom Petty In Hell Torments await the Florida boy who turned rock music into a profitable entertainment formula. I do not own rock and roll, but will fight for it till the end of time. Rated T for strong language, implied sexual situations, and violence!

U2 Totally Terrified, Cancels St Louis Concert This is just an Onion style news article about U2 canceling their St. Louis concert due to violent protests in September 2017. I am not making fun of the protesters. I am only attacking U2 because they are old, totally fake and their music sucks. Rated T for racial themes and some violence!

2Drinking Her Coffee This just a haiku about friendship and how we hide our hearts from the people we really love. Please comment nicely!

1 The Gold Watch This is a narrative Haiku about Mary Queen of Scots being held captive by cruel Queen Elizabeth of England. It's meant to be sad, so get out your handkerchiefs!

4 Won't I Do, Sir? This is a very erotic, yet slightly twisted revenge fantasy with plenty of suspense and horror! Rated T for some language and sexuality.

1 Mary Gordon Is A Big Fat Phony The rules of feminism are as simple as the Outlaw's Code of the Old West. "If you side with a man, you stay with him. And if you can't do that, you're like some . . . animal! You're finished! We're finished!" But Barnard Professor Mary Gordon likes to bend the rules. This is a literary essay based on a recent review in the New York Times.

3Letter To A Mugwump Hey, kids! Thinking of going to college this fall? Thinking of majoring in English? Don't. Please don't! This letter explains what really happens to English majors in America. Things are especially tough for graduates of Mugwump University in Manhattan, the most overpriced college in America!