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American Chimpanzee PM
My Stories 23
The Week In Tweets V » The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Parody & Humor, chapters: 11, words: 3k+, updated: 12/4 published: 10/9
2As Featured In Desert Exposure Magazine, Too » You can avoid growing up, but you can't help growing old.
Fiction: Biography, K+, English, Family & Humor, chapters: 11, words: 11k+, updated: 11/2 published: 1/1
6The Week In Tweets IV » When I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas, she said, "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond bracelet," so that's what I'm getting her... nothing.
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 50, words: 13k+, favs: 2, follows: 1, updated: 10/2 published: 12/9/2020
4Today's Horrorscope » I just got my Trump Vaccine. I wonder what my super power is gonna be?
Fiction: Horror, K+, English, Horror & Humor, chapters: 2, words: 216, updated: 4/9 published: 3/27
18Six Word Horror Stories » These stories... will they never end?
Fiction: Horror, K+, English, Horror & Mystery, chapters: 20, words: 307, favs: 2, follows: 4, updated: 4/9 published: 12/21/2019
26Dear John: Special Hardcore Advice Column! » What hair color do they put on the drivers' licenses of bald men?
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor, chapters: 47, words: 22k+, favs: 6, follows: 5, updated: 4/9 published: 3/19/2015
20As Featured In Desert Exposure Magazine » If you like these stories, do me a favor and write my editors and let them know at editor @ desertexposure . com (yeah, it's silly I have to do that). Meanwhile, do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 50, words: 46k+, favs: 4, follows: 3, updated: 12/6/2020 published: 9/2/2015
10The Week In Tweets III » You know why I don't eat clown burgers? They taste funny.
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 50, words: 13k+, favs: 2, follows: 1, updated: 11/26/2020 published: 2/2/2020
93Random Acts of Storytelling » I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 49, words: 27k+, favs: 8, follows: 6, updated: 6/27/2020 published: 9/28/2014
10Holiday Stories That Will Offend You » The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 23, words: 15k+, favs: 2, follows: 1, updated: 4/12/2020 published: 5/5/2014
19The Week In Tweets II » "Pack your bags, honey! I've just won the lottery!" "What do you want me to pack?" "I don't care, just get the heck out!"
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 50, words: 15k+, favs: 4, follows: 4, updated: 1/27/2020 published: 10/21/2018
3 Six Word Horror Story » You've read mine. Send me yours.
Fiction: Horror, K+, English, Horror & Mystery, chapters: 50, words: 322, favs: 3, follows: 2, updated: 11/27/2019 published: 11/7/2019
10Fake News: Donald Trump Approved! » Despite a tsunami of requests for more, I decided to delete my jokes about Beto O'Rourke. They crossed a line I was uncomfortable to cross, and I'm not just saying that because Jussie Smollett has a gun to my head.
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 17, words: 10k+, favs: 2, follows: 1, updated: 11/13/2019 published: 3/18/2017
9Scienstrology (and other religious stories that will offend you) » For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 11, words: 3k+, favs: 1, follows: 2, updated: 1/23/2019 published: 10/30/2016
6 The Week In Tweets » Why did Cleopatra take milk baths? There wasn't a cow tall enough for her to take a shower.
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 50, words: 27k+, favs: 1, follows: 1, updated: 10/7/2018 published: 5/1/2018
45Obama--The Man Who Once Saved My Life In 'Nam » No one pays any attention... that is, until you make a mistake.
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 47, words: 32k+, favs: 4, follows: 3, updated: 7/16/2018 published: 2/28/2014
3The ABCs of S-E-X » Sign on a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
Fiction: Humor, M, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 4, words: 645, favs: 1, follows: 1, updated: 6/29/2018 published: 5/16/2017
9El Paso! We're Not Fat, We're Big-Boned! » You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 26, words: 22k+, favs: 1, follows: 2, updated: 6/27/2018 published: 8/21/2015
14 The ONLY Diet Book You'll EVER Need! (and other medical fictions) » Sign on a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 11, words: 6k+, favs: 5, follows: 5, updated: 6/25/2017 published: 3/14/2014
37 What You're Doing RIGHT NOW Might KILL YOU! (news at 11) » Sign on a another plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
Fiction: Humor, K+, English, Humor & Parody, chapters: 50, words: 29k+, favs: 8, follows: 4, updated: 2/8/2017 published: 4/24/2015
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